That Cheerful Word With Which I Greet Each New Day By Wexel Pixel in Wexel Pixel's Diary Mon Apr 18, 2016 at 12:03:26 PM EST Tags: Toothless Gumjobs, Character Assassination (all tags)
	"Motherfucker." I hate to get up in the morning.  It's not quite the same as hating to wake up as I was awake for quite a long time before the lights came on today. Getting up this morning was not so bad, as I was able to realize that I usually feel just fine after I've been up for a while. It wasn't cold outside as we waited for the mats to be picked up and the tables set for breakfast.  I wore my sweather under my coat as I walked downtown, resulting in profuse sweat. Portland had record rainfall during the winter, now it's having record high heat.

I have my CT scan this afternoon.  They used to call them CAT scans, what became of the "A"? I might go out and sing on the street at 10:30 or so.  I have money for tonight's shelter, and tomorrow night's, but not after that. I carry my guitar around with me everywhere all day long, it's next to my mat as I sleep, but I practice at most twenty minutes a day - and not every day.  I tell myself that I'll practice more as I get better. I've been practicing chords.  That gets a little boring.  I expect it would liven things up were I to learn to pick a few songs. Whenever anyone asks me about the guitar, I always tell them I am very much a beginner.  "You have to start somewhere" they say.  They don't seem to think it odd that some homeless guy wants to learn to play. I'm at Peets as I write this.  Today's coffee is financed by yesterday's singing.  This would work every day were it not to rain so much here. It's hard for me to come up with stuff to write in my diaries.  I don't feel depressed like I did, in that I no longer get into foul states of mind, but my writing, to the extent I write at all, is forced.  It doesn't just flow out of me. I guess I'm still depressed. It takes at least two months for some antidepressants to take effect.  I've been taking imipramine since December, except for two weeks when I was unable to pick up my prescription.  I got badly depressed while I was off it.  Since I resumed, it's been five weeks. The first antidepressant I took was Elavil (amitryptiline).  After just a month I felt great, but then I got profoundly manic.  There should - hopefully - be some happy medium where I feel good but not manic. I'd like to write a technical article.  The usual way I do that - as I expect most do - is to solve some problem on my own, then write the article to explain the solution.  But I've lost interest in programming.  I enjoyed writing mumble life but after that lost interest in doing anything else. Maybe my interest in programming will return when I've eaten enough happy pills. My housing case manager has a line on an apartment which is quite far from the bus lines.  I was hesitant at first but then told him it would be OK as a friend will be lending me his bicycle. The Washington countryside near Vancouver looks like it would be excellent for cycling.  I used to be heavily into long-distance riding.  It's not that I'm not an athlete it's that I don't compete; I'd go out and ride my bike fifty miles without telling anyone.

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