James Holmes: Portrait of a Nerd Virgin By messybuu in News Tue Jul 24, 2012 at 07:19:25 AM EST Tags: James Holmes, 4chan, Nerd Virgin, Nerginity, Masturbators (all tags)
	As the world discovers more about James Holmes, we learn that he was a nerd virgin. Though he graduated at the top of his class, he never had the knowledge to get a piece of ass, resorting to signing up on an adult sex site for a taste of physical affection. It was a desperate act that probably did not prove fruitful to him, which resulted in much masturbation. As a lifelong virgin and masturbator with only the Internet's sociopaths at 4chan to alleviate his loneliness, it was only a matter of time before he would take the drastic action that most nerd virgins only fantasize about: Murder people happier and more successful than he'd ever be. Many argue that a lack of gun control is the reason the massacre was able to happen, but even if Holmes was unable to purchase assault rifles legally, he could have assembled his own deadly weapons using instructions found on the Internet such as ones written by kuro5hin member Michael David Crawford. No, gun control would not have stopped Holmes because most gun owners are responsible with their weaponry. The average gun owner is not the enemy; the nerd virgin is.

ADVERTISEMENT Sponsor: rusty This space intentionally left blank ...because it's waiting for your ad. So why are you still reading this? Come on, get going. Read the story, and then get an ad. Alright stop it. I'm not going to say anything else. Now you're just being silly. STOP LOOKING AT ME! I'm done! comments (24) active | buy ad ADVERTISEMENT Nerd virgins, such as the ones you will find on 4chan and Reddit, are narcissistic misanthropes who hate the world because they have either been rejected by it because of their creepiness or ignored because of their bland personalities. There is nobody they despise more than a happy, beautiful person, which is why nerd virgins, even the female ones, will sexually harass popular teenage girls on social networks. Rather than work to climb out of their depressing lifestyles, they would rather drag everybody else down to their lonely little level. When they are able to drive a pre-teen to suicide, they declare victory. Much like your typical pedophile, they prey on the weak because they are too weak to deal with their peers. That is why Holmes did not try for the fame he desperately sought in a more courageous way such as a shootout with an army of cops--He surrendered like a coward when they arrived--, but resorted to massacring a crowd of unarmed people in a dark and crowded theater. He claims to be the Joker, but even the Joker showed bigger balls in the chaos he unleashed. Holmes just proved himself to be an anonymous coward like the rest of his 4chan peers. There is still much we do not know about Holmes, but like goths, while nerd virgins claim to be unique individuals, they are more often than not sheeplike in nature. He most likely used an Android phone and considered Apple to be worse than Nazi Germany (and I write that without hyperbole); he probably enjoyed anime and thought it was a superior form of art despite its trite stories, generic characters, and unimpressive animation; he must've hated Facebook and considered Google+ a superior social network; he undoubtedly masturbated daily and might have even been so desperate as to order a Fleshlight or Pocket Pussy. As you can see, this was an individual who did not know how to function in real life. The day he left liberal academia was the day his reason to exist ended. Though he succeeded in destroying many lives that evening, he is the real loser. Too cowardly to commit suicide, he will be sentenced to a lifetime of traumatic anal rape and bullying that will make his previous lifestyle of daily masturbation to Internet pornography, most of which was probably Japanese animation, enviable. It would be sad to think about if he wasn't so deserving of such a fate, but since he is, it is a gratifying conclusion to a nerd virgin's life. Maybe his fellow nerd virgins do the right thing and kill themselves before they hurt another and lose their dignity as their creepy lifestyles are dissected on the news.

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