When we
were waiting inside the warehouse for our "new employee" tour to start,
I immediately realized that there was little structure to where items
are stored. Whereas retail stores keep their display inventory
ordered by category, Amazon's system calls for completely randomizing
the warehouse. The computers keep track of where everything is.
Every
warehouse has hundreds of rows of shelves with 1, 3, 5 or more
levels. Each division on the shelf is called a 'bin'. There are also
spaces where entire pallets of merchandise can be stored. Pallet
locations only have one or two items.
There
are three departments for temporary employees at the Amazon warehouses:
Inbound, Outbound, and ICQA (Inventory Control / Quality Assurance).
Inbound
Inbound
employees take merchandise off the trucks and process the merchandise
as needed (encasing in a plastic bag, etc). "Stowers" are given a cart
of items and are graded on how many things they can stow in an hour.
When they find a suitable location, they scan the item's and the bin's
bar codes to let the computer know what they're putting where. If
a similar item is already in the bin (e.g. a different size/color of a
clothing item, different flavor of a given brand of gum, etc), the
system rejects the
attempted placement, and the human has to find another spot for the
item on their cart. I didn't talk to many of the inbound employees
because they had a different break/lunch schedule.
Outbound
Outbound
employees are responsible for filling orders. "Pickers" run around the
warehouse filling their carts with stuff, and are graded with how many
items they can pull off the shelves per hour. Packers pull an
individual order's items off the carts and place these in boxes with
barcode stickers. These are placed on a conveyor belt, where the boxes
are weighed.
The computers calculate what the order is supposed to weigh and
compare it to the box's actual weight. If the
box does NOT weigh what it should, a human has to go through it to find
what's wrong. The box is passed to an outbound employee who is allowed
to think. They are given the box, the list of what it's supposed to
have, and told to figure out what's wrong. The only
story I heard about was the time that inbound didn't properly break a
box of 6 ipods into individual packages. Someone ordered a single ipod.
The picker grabbed the box of 6 ipods off the shelf and put it on their
cart, and the packer put the 6 ipods in the box. The computer added up
the weight of everything the customer had ordered, which was
significantly less than what the box actually weighed.
After the box passes the weight inspection, the cheapest possible
shipping method is calculated, a mailing label is applied, and the
package is routed to the selected shipping service.
ICQA
My taxi passenger and I both worked
in Inventory Control / Quality Assurance. We were responsible for
keeping the warehouse in order. In theory the computers keeps track of
where everything is, but stuff falls off the shelves, gets misplaced,
stolen, etc. ICQA temporary employees basically count shit for their
entire shift, and put the number of items in the current bin into their
handheld computer. If the ICQA associate's item count matches what the
inventory computer expects, the computer makes a "happy beep" and
provides the next bin location that it wants counted. If the count does
NOT match the expected number, the handheld computer makes an "angry
beep", and the ICQA associate has to count again. Sometimes I found the
item that I missed, and other times the bin's inventory really was
different than what the computer expected. If the second count was
still
different than was expected, the bin was labeled "defective" and the
handheld computer made another angry beep. Someone else is assigned to
scan everything that's actually in that bin. The system keeps track of
what goes missing, and what reappears.
The end
of every row has "amnesty" and "damaged" bins. When stuff falls off the
shelf, or off a picker's cart, it has to go to the "amnesty" bin so
that it can be returned to its proper location. ICQA associates are
tasked with trying to find out where the amnesty items came from. They
scan the item and the nearest bin, and the handheld computer displays
the nearest locations that are supposed to have that particular item.
This was my favorite task, as I got fairly good at guessing which of
the bin locations were missing the item that had gone astray.
If the
ICQA associate is unable to find a bin that's missing the item in a
reasonable amount of time, they pick a bin, deposit the item, and tell
the computer system they added an item to the bin's inventory.
ICQA is
one of the better departments for temporary workers, because it allows
for a certain degree of freedom. Inbound and outbound associates are
graded on speed, whereas ICQA associates are graded on accuracy.
The
Horrible Truth About Amazon.com
I realized the true nature of Amazon on
my second day of counting shit and listening to the happy beeps and
angry beeps that emitted from my handheld computer. I had been watching
inbound
and outbound associates scurrying around trying to "make rate", taking
orders from the central computers relayed
over wireless links to their hand-held computers.
The
insight came in a flash: Amazon is run by SKYNET.
For the
remainder of my tenure as a seasonal associate at a Phoenix Amazon.com
warehouse, I made regular reference to the truth of our predicament.
One of the full-time ICQA employees responded to my informal statement
about 'Skynet having sent me to [location]' with an inquiry: "Skynet?"
I
explained that Skynet actually runs Amazon.com. He laughed and said it
really was the best explanation for the inner workings of the Goliath
of internet shopping.
One night another department needed a helper, and the night's ICQA
manager offered my services (One of the tasks involved inspecting
faux-brushed-aluminum salad oil sprayers for damage). I dropped a
"Skynet" reference to my boss for the night, and she didn't get it. I
asked if she'd ever seen
the documentary Terminator 2, staring Arnold Schwarzenegger.
She had not, so I gave a brief summary: Skynet is the
computer program that humans put in charge of the United States'
national defenses. Skynet became self-aware, decided the humans were a
threat to its existence, and launched our nuclear missiles against us.
I stated that our employer was clearly run by this autonomous menance
to
humanity.
She replied with "but there's a human behind everything!" I
didn't say any more - some people just can't handle the truth.
The
events portrayed in the Terminator and Terminator 2 documentaries took
place in a different time stream, and the war with the
Machines has taken a different path than was previously documented.
Release
from service to the Machines
Skynet
started laying people off before Christmas. Inbound employees were the
first to be let go, and subpar outbound employees soon followed.
The
Machines kept me around for most of January to help with a
"wall-to-wall" inventory. When the inventory was almost complete, they
called the four remaining temporary workers from my shift into a little
room. I knew what my coworkers were thinking by the expression on their
faces: "oh no we're getting laid off." I was gleeful: "oh thank
god I'm getting laid off!" I had entertained myself by making lists of
things that I didn't know I could buy and flipping open interesting
books (a forbidden activity), but counting shit was getting old and I
was tired of seeing the same dozen people every night.
Further
Evidence of the Machines' Control of Amazon
Last
week this news story hit the wires: The
CIA and Jeff Bezos Bet on Quantum Computing. Jeff Bezos is, of
course, "the founder and CEO" of Amazon.com. Amazon is also buying
one of Texas Instrument's chip divisions. What does a warehouse
company need to design chips for, if not Terminator R&D?
Implications
of Skynet's Rule
When I
saw the opinion piece in the Arizona Republic, At
his core, Romney is a cyborg, I initially thought it confirmation
of the extent of Skynet's influence on human affairs, especially at the
top tier of national politics.
But then
I got to thinking about our current president. What if Barack Obama is
a Terminator? Consider the Evidence:
- Obama came out of nowhere to become a senator, then president.
Does anyone remember him from his college days? After the
Bush/Gore debacle, Skynet was put in charge of counting votes. This was
an easy way to hide the electioneering behind Terminator-Obama's
election.
- The drone
war against Pakistan allows Skynet to fully develop its line
of Hunter-Killer
autonomous war machines
- Terminator Obama has done nothing to stem Skynet's looting
of the economy via high-frequency
trading
- Birth control
is made with xeno-hormones, and contributes to the hysterectomy
epidemic that my taxi passengers have hinted at. Obamacare's birth
control mandate is another way for Skynet to loot the economy because
it ignores the findings of science in favor of much more profitable
prescriptions for the pharmaceutical industry.
- (I'm sure there are more examples. Please comment if you are
aware of more evidence of Mr. Obama's true nature)
It is safe to assume that the last human president of the United
States was Bill Clinton. We know this because of the blue dress:
Terminators don't have that sort of equipment.
A good explanation for George W. Bush
is that he was actually a T-800, or maybe a simple T-600. Dick Cheney
really was a cyborg during his time in office - his power cells were
replaced in a 2007 "pacemaker surgery".
Barack
Obama is clearly a more refined terminator, but I'm not sure if he's a T-850,
T-888, T-900, T-1000, or a T-X. Please
vote in the poll and comment with your reasoning to help me figure out
which terminator series Barack Obama represents.
The
Rest of Congress
Senators and Representatives seem to eventually be
replaced with Terminators - I estimate that the process takes about 6
years. This explains politician's longevity in office - humans would
rapidly tire of the futility of going nowhere, year-after-year.
The
Hope Represented by Mitt Romney?
If Mitt
Romney is indeed a cyborg, perhaps he is a hybrid. Many have
already pointed out that he has mastered the trait of being a political
chameleon.
It seems to me that his flips on his abortion position,
for example, is based on the political climate he has to operate in.
You can't get to the general election if you don't pander to both the
media and your party's true believers.
The
question I hope you all can help me out with is... who does Cyborg
Romney serve?
The
Two Other Passengers...
Temporary employees go forever, until they get burned out
There is
a mental health center on the west side that has a constant stream of
passengers going home. As far as I can determine, this is a "Hotel
California" sort of place, where you can "check out any time you like,
but you can never leave", as the patients never actually get better. I
asked my last passenger how often he goes to the "recovery center" -
every day, and some days he takes a second trip somewhere else. That's
at least $500/week in taxi fares - not so good for the government's
finances, but it's "trickle-up economics" for us taxi drivers.
Voucher fares usually aren't as interesting as normal fares. My next
passenger was a young woman also in south Phoenix. She was outside
waiting, and it wasn't obvious where she was coming from.
Eventually I determined that she had a cosmetology license, and is
taking business classes at the community college. She offered that she
was going home from her job at the Gap warehouse. I offered that I used
to work at Amazon before I was drawn to Taxi driving, and shared my
relief of getting laid off. She said that she too used to work at
amazon, and finally got out a month ago. Her 'seasonal' position
extended for almost a year, probably with a constant anxiety of never
knowing if they'd 'terminate' her for the slightest infraction.
Skynets
that serve humanity
On
Saturday I was sent to pick up Skylar (really), a boy whose insurance
was paying
to send him to an appointment/event a few miles away. The father asked
if I saved my receipts to get reimbursed for his son's transportation.
I gestured to the computer
attached to the dashboard, and said that 'Skynet' keeps track of
all my insurance-paid trips for me.
He laughed, and I had to explain: the cab company's computer system is
benevolent, and is the drivers' and passengers' humble servant (except
for when it crashes). "But let me tell you about the other Skynet,
which is humanity's mortal enemy. I used to work for Amazon, and ..."
The
father laughed again, and instantly understood. He too had worked for
Amazon
during the previous peak season, until he came down with the flu. They
said he could continue his employment with a doctor's note to 'excuse'
the points he'd accumulate during his sick leave. My passenger's father
asked, "are you going to pay for that?", then "I guess I'm not going to
work for you anymore."
Who
does Technology really serve?
Computers
can be useful tools that serve humanity, but they are also agents in
the Machine's thousand-year-old effort to enslave the majority of the
human race. Hopefully by exposing "Skynet's" true ambitions our species
can finally find the peace and the promise that is our birthright.
Unless the (possible)
Black Swann
Candidate finds a message that resonates with voters, we're stuck
with one of the two dominant parties' candidates. Regardless of whether
the current president is an actual terminator or just a Miles Dyson figure
who does not appreciate the implications of his actions, Barack
Obama clearly serves the Machine,
I have a faint hope that perhaps
Romney was sent back by the resistance to aid humanity. Is Mitt Romney
a political Gladiator who only says whatever he needs to say to trick
billionaires into supporting him? Will he flip on the plutocracy as
soon as he gets elected? While Mitt Romney could be just another Infiltrator, he
could also be our second-best hope.
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