Don't Ever Accuse Me Of Having No Sense Of Humour || kuro5hin.org


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Don't Ever Accuse Me Of Having No Sense Of Humour

By Zombie Jesus Christ in Zombie Jesus Christ's Diary
Thu Sep 08, 2011 at 11:26:42 PM EST
Tags: Rusty is a Filthy Sodomite!, Lucy, Strippers, Michael Calls Lucy (all tags)

I voted for all your stories, except the copypasta by our fine Zombie Tyler Durden. That one dumped before I made up my mind as to how to vote.

How To Impress A Woman:

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away I had a short-lived but intense romance with a certain graduate student. While she broke up with me after less than a month, we remain friends fourteen or so years later.

Bonita felt threatened by her at first but in the end decided her friendship with me was good for me and so encouraged me to keep in touch with her.

This friend of mine had not heard from me for a while and wondered what I might be up to. While she had my email and phone number, she figured she'd ask Google instead, only to turn up...

Zombie Jesus Christ being enamored of a stripper!

Oopsy-Doodle!

She wasn't very impressed. But there wasn't much I could do about it but to write back to say that yes, in fact, I am enamored of a stripper.

Disk Cuss.

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Zombie Jesus Christ's Diary

Don't Ever Accuse Me Of Having No Sense Of Humour | 42 comments (42 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

Be honest (1.50 / 6) (#1)
by Lexx Core on Thu Sep 08, 2011 at 11:35:36 PM EST

Tell her that the stripper is your only friend you can meet now. See if she tries to talk you out of it. That K5 that wrote the story about you is full of Internet Kooks.

ok (3.00 / 2) (#2)
by lostincali on Thu Sep 08, 2011 at 11:35:55 PM EST

"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."

bad news for you mdc by nateo, 09/09/2011 12:55:38 PM EST (none / 0)

Tell her not to worry about it (3.00 / 4) (#3)
by greengrass on Thu Sep 08, 2011 at 11:37:37 PM EST

A stripper would never fuck you.

did Bonita get the greencard she married you for? (2.00 / 3) (#4)
by donnalee on Thu Sep 08, 2011 at 11:41:00 PM EST

---
Guess I'll be adding this to tomorrow's comment dump!

THAT'S PRETTY HARSH BRO $ by Zombie Tyler Durden, 09/08/2011 11:45:54 PM EST (none / 1)
Mike didn't get Canuckistein citizenship by Lexx Core, 09/08/2011 11:54:23 PM EST (none / 1)
Yes, but she has no use for it. by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/08/2011 11:54:26 PM EST (none / 0)

Ron Paul: the border fence is to keep us IN! by donnalee, 09/09/2011 12:09:41 AM EST (1.50 / 2)
What a bitch! $ by cockskin horsesuit, 09/09/2011 09:31:46 AM EST (none / 1)
Isn't there a degree requirement though? by localroger, 09/09/2011 08:01:50 PM EST (none / 0)

I have a Physics degree by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/09/2011 11:29:21 PM EST (none / 0)

It depends by Lexx Core, 09/10/2011 12:38:38 AM EST (none / 1)

This woman? (none / 1) (#8)
by Lexx Core on Thu Sep 08, 2011 at 11:55:44 PM EST

Mike's Caltech Galpal

No, not here. I've known her much longer than that by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/09/2011 11:31:04 PM EST (none / 0)

ask her to make a K5 account (3.00 / 4) (#10)
by N0574 on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 12:32:44 AM EST

I can sponsor her $5 initiation fee if she'll agree to use the userid: naked_caltech_grl.

- NCCTG N0574 CANCER PROTOCOL

also, maybe this (3.00 / 5) (#11)
by N0574 on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 12:35:34 AM EST

will be to helping you.

- NCCTG N0574 CANCER PROTOCOL

It's unanimous then. (2.00 / 3) (#12)
by Wen Jian on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 06:45:14 AM EST

When will you start listening? When Jesus himself rises again to tell you not to get carried away with cavorting with strippers?

It was an experiment in lulz. - Rusty

You are not your brother's keeper by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/09/2011 07:16:31 AM EST (3.00 / 2)
Well, there was Mary Magdelene by Harry B Otch, 09/09/2011 06:37:46 PM EST (none / 1)

Not a stripper, a prostitute by localroger, 09/09/2011 07:58:50 PM EST (none / 0)

LOL 'SLOT MACHINES' $ by Harry B Otch, 09/09/2011 08:05:48 PM EST (none / 1)
not true actually by N0574, 09/10/2011 08:58:16 AM EST (none / 0)

Yeah but that's not part of the job by localroger, 09/10/2011 07:14:48 PM EST (none / 0)

Most places by Lexx Core, 09/10/2011 10:03:42 PM EST (none / 1)

Jesus was a rabbi. by HollyHopDrive, 09/10/2011 09:09:13 AM EST (none / 0)

That is Gore Vidal's argument too by localroger, 09/10/2011 11:13:29 AM EST (none / 1)

If she cannot accept your stripper (none / 0) (#14)
by Del Griffith on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 07:30:34 AM EST

then what good is it?

-------
I...I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. Because I'm the real article. What you see is what you get. - Me

IRL lolling status: lolling # (none / 0) (#16)
by king of fools on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 10:54:36 AM EST

----------------

fade out again

FFS$ (none / 0) (#17)
by V on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 11:24:25 AM EST

---
What my fans are saying:
"That, and the fact that V is a total, utter scumbag." VZAMaZ.
"well look up little troll" cts.
"I think you're a worthless little cuntmonkey but you made me lol, so I sigged you." re
"goodness gracious you're an idiot" mariahkillschickens

What does the tag about... (none / 0) (#18)
by Pnarp on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 11:41:07 AM EST

...Emperor Rustinian's preferred sexual position have to do with this story? Are you stuffing keywords to try to manipulate Google into misgoogling this story somehow? What does it accomplish? Who will ever see it? People googling (or oogling) for famous actor Rusty Stevens or Rusty Hamer? People googling (or boogling) for Rustoleum paint, or how to restore that rusty old Model A sitting out in their back yard? Who? Who??? It's not like anyone's ever going to google for the rusty old Rusty that owns Kuro2hin.

∼ Phillip Norbert Årp
_{Powered by the love of the voluptuous insect goddess, Strahazazhia Kalamazoo-Kintaki-Meeps, She of the six-legged delights.}

✿✿✿ Pnårp’s docile & perfunctory page! ✿✿✿
❝It’s docile! It’s perfunctory! It’s phlogistically fantastical! But… is it one of those blog things?❞
_{All wrights preserved. No purchase estuary. Lawn gnomes not included. You won’t be disconcerted. Deployed where prohibited by snore.}

❤ Pnårp learned this week that the world was still here. Will it ever end?

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Eh, really? (none / 0) (#20)
by HollyHopDrive on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 01:12:51 PM EST

You've been friends with her for 14 years, she has your contact details, and when she wanted to catch up with you, she asked Google?

I just tried Googling both your real name and k5 user name, and nothing came up.

I make too much sense to be on the Internet.

yes, really by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/09/2011 01:46:09 PM EST (none / 0)

So what search term did she use? by HollyHopDrive, 09/09/2011 07:35:24 PM EST (none / 0)

For real? Is she googling for Zombie JC? (none / 0) (#22)
by Blarney on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 03:52:57 PM EST

Because none of this stuff comes up when googling for Michael Crawford or Michael D Crawford.

If you're telling her that your K5 handle is Zombie Jesus Christ you're pretty much inviting her to this lousy site. In which case why not go all in and buy her an account for $5? We certainly need some new blood around here.

I'll see what I can do by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/09/2011 04:15:05 PM EST (none / 0)

it's not anybody's kind of site! $ by Blarney, 09/09/2011 04:17:34 PM EST (none / 1)
DON'T INVITE HER HERE! by messybuu, 09/09/2011 04:35:15 PM EST (3.00 / 3)

also, none of this really happened (none / 0) (#31)
by king of fools on Fri Sep 09, 2011 at 08:06:41 PM EST

there are no search terms on google that would tie you to the diaries in question. you are, as is so often the case, completely full of shit.

----------------

fade out again

She told me the search terms by Zombie Jesus Christ, 09/09/2011 11:34:24 PM EST (none / 0)

good point by Del Griffith, 09/10/2011 12:09:05 AM EST (none / 0)
I Was Going To Try To Work Them Out by limpdawg, 09/10/2011 12:33:50 AM EST (none / 0)

Don't Ever Accuse Me Of Having No Sense Of Humour | 42 comments (42 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

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