Tags: Apple, Steve Jobs, iDeath, horsecock, Oggfrog, Tim Cook, haha (all tags)
Sad news today as Apple founded and former iCEO Steve Jobs passed away. The world morns the loss of Steve Jobs. We at Kuro5hin here morn the passing of Mr. Jobs as we all own Apple products.
He had cancer and knew he could not get rid of it. All those years of drug abuse and eating the wrong foods damaged his pancreas and caused cancer as well as diabetes.
Steve Jobs is dead, some morn and many rejoice as Steve Jobs was a greedy douche-bag. Steve Jobs worked his employees like slaves, screwed them out of benefits, took credit for their work. Steve Jobs back-stabbed his business partners, forced employees or contractors to suicide like workers at Foxconn's plant that lost iPhone prototypes. Steve Jobs abandoned his daughter and her mother and forced them on welfare while he became a billionaire. Later on after her hardships Jobs put his daughter Lisa Brennan Jobs through Harvard.
Steve Jobs stole ideas from others. Before founding Apple he stole the idea of a computer kit from Altair and he and his buddy Steve Wozniak built the Apple I computer and sold it.
Their marketing slogan was "We're not IBM!" and people flocked to the Apple computer for only $666 in cost. After a deal with Chase bank to give Apple a loan and investors and before you knew it the Apple II came out. The Apple III failed and later came back with technology stolen from the Commodore Amiga to make the Apple IIgs system.
Steve Jobs worked his employees hard and did not give them benefits. Steve Wozniak did more work but Steve Jobs' net worth was more. After seeing that Apple employees did not get stock, Steve Wozniak decided to give some of his shares to the employees. Steve Jobs did not.
But before that Steve Jobs stole the best ideas from Xerox, Visi-On, the Xanadu project, and other ideas to make the Apple Lisa (named after his biological daughter Lisa whom he never visits) and later when that $10,000 monstrosity failed the Apple Macintosh for $5000. It didn't sell to well because it cost too much and the $299 Commodore 64 loaded GEOS to do the same things and the $1000 Apple //e ran GEOS as well and did the same things as the Macintosh.
The board of directors fired Steve Jobs because they claimed the Mac wouldn't sell and he ruined Apple. But Steve Jobs did not give up, he formed Next Inc. with H. Ross Perot a Texas Oil guy and snarfed BSD Unix and the Mach kernel to make Nextstep and NextOS. He ripped off Macintosh, Amiga, Atari ST, GEOS, GEM, and UNIX designs to do so.
The Steve Jobsless Apple ran through CEOs like water, the Apple CEO office had a built in ejector seat. The Macintosh was not a success but Apple kept making new models. The Macintosh SE basically a Macintosh Plus with a NuBus slot, the Macintosh II copied after the Amiga 2000 but with a 68020 processor and NuBus slots. Apple learned that the Motorola 68000 processor series was not good enough and partnered up with IBM, Motorola, and made the PowerPC chip to replace it. But it became costly, Intel made cheaper chips and the PowerPC could not get the speed to match Intel. Apple went to the PowerMac series and ran old Classic Mac 68K code.
Next could not make a profit, but Steve Jobs sold stock anyway and bought Pixar from George Lucas. Steve Wozniak was screwed out of his Apple shares and position at Apple after a plane crash, you see, and the Woz started up his own companies and wanted to help Jobs, but Jobs told Woz he wasn't part of his social clique anymore. Anyway Next shared OpenStep with HP and Sun. An open source version of the Nextstep GUI and framework for HP-UX and Solaris/SunOS systems. Woz decided to teach children how to program and use computers with his Wheels of Zeus organization, while Steve Jobs just wanted to get richer and richer instead.
Meanwhile a former Apple CEO Jean-Louise Gasse ripped off the Amiga to make BeOS. Somehow PowerMacs ran better on BeOS than Mac OS 7.X and Apple lost even more money. Be Inc put Commodore Amiga out of business and tried to take over Apple, but Apple refused to release new PowerPC and PowerMac info to Be Inc so Be turned to Intel PC systems instead as NextOS eventually had to do in order to try and turn a profit.
So Apple had a choice, buy out Be Inc to get BeOS or buy out Next to get NextOS and Steve Jobs. Yes Apple bought out Next and Steve Jobs saved Apple to make it profitable by massive layoffs and cutting out products and support for existing customers and then make deal with the RIAA to allow Apple iTunes to sell songs for iPods and the new iMac a lower priced Mac and merge NextOS and MacOS to make Mac OS X. The deal worked and Apple was profitable again. Later for movies Apple made a deal with the MPAA.
Well Mac OS X was a success, so was the iMac, and Be Inc was driven out of business like Commodore Amiga. But at the cost of Apple employees losing their jobs as Steve Jobs said "Nobody should work for Apple for more than five years." after laying off employees to keep Apple profitable.
After a while Jobs read his second contract and learned that Apple had to switch to Intel chips and make the iPhone and later iPad. Steve Jobs took Mac OS X to make iOS later on to make tablet computing possible. No biggie just let the Chinese in the Foxconn China plant do all the work, and force workers to suicide when they lose prototypes because they are slaves to him anyway. Human life means nothing to Apple's profits.
Steve Jobs made the nerdvirgins cream their panties over the iOS and Mac OS X systems. Apple killed the Microsoft Zune and put Blockbuster out of business once iTunes sold movies and TV shows and also rented them and the Apple TV came out. Even Netflix felt the competition from Apple's iTunes. Consumers lost freedom of choice and Steve Jobs was turning Apple into another Microsoft as Apple captured the smart phone and tablet market.
Steve Jobs humiliated his employees and got a kick out of it. He bullied them, called them names. He had an offer to apply for CEO of Apple and an Apple technician applied only to not get the job and get an humiliating email from Jobs' best friend Larry Ellison. It was a fake contest, of course.
When Steve Jobs learned he was sick with cancer instead of getting it treated, he continued to work to earn even more money. To humiliate even more Apple employees. He's go to new age healers for crystal treatments and drop LSD to see unicorns and rainbows. His doctors told him to slow down, get conventional treatments and maybe he'd live longer. But he thought he could beat death without them. So he hid his condition from stockholders and the public, only announcing a liver transplant, nothing to see here, move on.
The more people bought Apple products and services the more powerful Steve Jobs got, and then the richer he got. Steve Jobs trained Tim Cook to take over, and when Jobs died of cancer everything passed on to Tim Cook.
Steve Jobs passed away, Tim Cook danced on his grave. Billions of nerdvirigins mourned on The Internet to visit the Apple web site announcing Steve Jobs' death. Apple's web site was Slashdotted for a while and none could see it. The iPhone 5 was not released and instead the iPhone 4S was released.
Let us take a serious 15 seconds of silence to morn the loss of Steve Jobs, the iCEO, the visionary, the deadbeat dad, the founder of Apple, the stealer of great ideas, the insanely great or greatly insane computer guru, the think different dictator, the guy who backstabbed all his business partners for financial gain and stock option fraud but was only paid $1/year if you don't count stock options and stock, Internet Legend in his own mind, and now a corpse and worm food.
Remember to share your Steve Jobs story of why he was a douche-bag to rememberingstevejobs@apple.com or just copy and paste this story and email it if you lack the words.
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