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HOWTO: Trick A Girl Into Sex

By Star Fox in Star Fox's Diary
Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 05:07:50 PM EST
Tags: seduction (all tags)

I assume you're frustrated and single. You're horny but can't find a girl who'll get naked for you. Well you need to understand how women think. You need to understand what women want in order to trick one into having sex with you.

The first fact you need to understand is that women don't really like sex that much. Go to a Wal*Mart tonight and look at all the women. If they're anything like the women at my Wal*Mart the vast majority of them are disgustingly fat. This is because they find eating more pleasurable than sex. If they liked sex they'd eat less so as to be able to get a guy's penis hard.

But women do engage in sexual activities. However, it's a coldly calculated move. Women want a man's paycheck and they want babies. So they provide sex in exchange for both.

But I'm sure you're smart and don't want the hassle of supporting an increasingly stout wench and her bratty offspring.

So you need to convince women that you're a sensitive and commitment seeking guy who'll settle down for the first girl who shows them some attention.


Lemon Juice would be swimming in girl-next-door poon right now if only he were to put a bit of effort into it.

What you should do:

  1. Ask a girl out on a date. This is a very important first step. If the first one says no move on to your second, third, etc. choice until you have a date. It's ok if she's a bit homely, she'll probably appreciate the attention more and be more willing to put out on the third date.

  2. If the first date goes well have flowers sent to her workplace. But be careful that it's not too extravagant, you don't want to come on too strong.

  3. Now call her Monday evening after you've sent her the flowers (I assume you took her out for the first date on Saturday night), and set up a date for Saturday.

  4. Gradually ramp up your affections. Watch for signs that she's ready for you to hold her hand, or to hug you goodnight, or even allow you to give her a peck on the cheek.

Good luck young man, with effort you should be able manipulate your way into a vagina without any long term consequences like marriage or kids!

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HOWTO: Trick A Girl Into Sex | 13 comments (13 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
-1, disgusting (3.00 / 4) (#1)
by LilDebbie on Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 05:22:39 PM EST

really, who allowed such filth on to this fine website?

My name is LilDebbie and I have a garden.
- hugin -

Horrid (none / 1) (#2)
by Strom Thurmond on Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 05:44:58 PM EST

yet, strangely I feel compelled to +1 FP.

VEGETARIAN: An Indian word meaning "lousy hunter"

Can you take her to a ComicCon or something? (3.00 / 7) (#3)
by Korean Loller Blader on Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 06:47:26 PM EST

Is that considered a date?
D'oh! I can't seem to talk to the mod_
i tried dating (3.00 / 2) (#4)
by j1mmy on Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 07:53:30 PM EST

really, it didn't seem like a good use of my time. i prefer playing video games.

lol (3.00 / 2) (#5)
by lostincali on Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 07:54:17 PM EST


"The least busy day [at McDonalds] is Monday, and then sales increase throughout the week, I guess as enthusiasm for life dwindles."

3 easy steps (3.00 / 2) (#11)
by rhiannon on Mon Apr 06, 2009 at 10:55:59 PM EST

1. get vasectomy
2. find desperate womens
3. offer to father children

-----------------------------------------
I continued to rebuff the advances... so many advances... of so many attractive women. -MC
last line is win $ (none / 1) (#12)
by buford on Tue Apr 07, 2009 at 06:03:14 AM EST



if a man zeros you, he is a spastic with the scroll wheel, and should be pitied.
HOWTO: Trick A Girl Into Sex | 13 comments (13 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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