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Is it Possible for a Man to Insert His Balls into a Woman?

By circletimessquare in circletimessquare's Diary
Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 12:12:31 PM EST
Tags: dan savage, lol (all tags)

there is no better intarweb reading on this planet than dan savage

bonus:

"Dear Dan: At a recent party in Paris, I fucked a Spanish girl in an inflatable igloo..."

i loled


http://www.villagevoice.com/2008-09-17/columns/is-it-possible-for-a-man-to-inser t-his-balls-into-a-woman/

By Dan Savage

published: September 17, 2008

Dear Dan: Is it possible for a man to insert his balls into a woman? It's a topic I don't want to Google. A few months ago, I was making out with a guy and he whispered to me that he wanted to insert his balls into me. I said, "What?!?", and he moved on to other things. I've shared this story with a couple of girlfriends. After laughing, they all said they've never heard of such a thing. Are we prudes or is this something I'm missing out on?

Reconsidering in Toronto

Nothing shrivels the ol' dick quite as quickly as the "What?!?" bomb.

There the guy was, boned for you, and he was brave enough to put his desires out there, to make himself vulnerable (which is what the ladies are always saying they want, right?), and you lobbed the ol' "What?!?" bomb at him and made him feel like a freak. Is it any wonder that he quickly moved on to "other things" and, one would hope, better sex partners?
And that's too bad, RIT, because it sounds like you may have been a little curious--maybe even tempted--by his request. I mean, here you are, all these months later, wondering what that "What?!?" caused you to miss out on. But before I fill you in--or stuff it in--let's pause to consider just what prompted you to toss out that "What?!?" bomb in the first place.

You're not the only person whose first reaction to an unexpected request is "What?!?" Many of us feel obliged--even the sexually adventurous among us--to go on the record with slight-to-mild-to-royal shock when a new partner presents us with a request for something besides the standard-issue sex organ stuffed in the standard-issue orifice. Our shock--real, feigned, or exaggerated--allows us to establish our moral superiority while placing the other person in a weaker position. It forces the other person to acknowledge that he or she is the bigger pervert and that we, by even contemplating indulging his or her kinks, are doing that person a favor. Tragically for all involved, most people on the receiving end of a "What?!?" emerge less likely to share their kinks with future sex partners, resulting in less interesting sex lives for all.

On to your question: Yeah, a guy can insert his balls into a vagina--or an anus, or a mouth, or the seventh hole of the Augusta National golf course. Some guys like to do it loose: They pack the sack in by hand, and the orifice then closes around their sacks, above their balls. These guys derive pleasure from having their balls trapped and tugged. Other guys like to wrap their scrabble bags with a short length of soft rope or a rubber sheath; this pushes their nuts down to the bottom of their sacks and creates, essentially, a firmer, more easily inserted, temporarily phallus-shaped sack that they can literally fuck the shit out of you with.

So here's what you missed out on, RIT: a safe and unique sexual experience with a guy who isn't afraid of his own desires but, it seems, is too easily spooked by the odd "What?!?" Who knows? Maybe he was "the one," but your reaction to his kink prompted him to go off in search of more indulgent, less-sex-negative partners.

Your loss, I'd say.

Dear Dan: Tell me the name of my fetish! In intimate situations, all I want is the foreplay portion of a hookup: kissing, petting, dry-humping. But it goes no further than both parties being shirtless, i.e., no oral, no penetration, no getting off. Is there a name for this fetish?

My Own Crazy Kink

Indeed there is, MOCK. It's called "second base."

Dear Dan: At a recent party in Paris, I fucked a Spanish girl in an inflatable igloo. As we were going at it--standing up, from behind, clothes mostly on--she put her fingers in her ass. Being the gentleman I am, I asked if she'd prefer something (slightly) more substantial in there. She said yes; I put it in. After a few minutes, I began to smell something foul. I prayed to the God I don't believe exists that it wasn't what I suspected. I finally looked down and saw that her ass and my dick were covered in brown. On the verge of vomiting, I tried to stay calm and make what I would consider to be a traumatic situation for her a little less embarrassing.

Thing is, she wasn't embarrassed. She didn't seem to mind. In fact, after I lost my erection, removed my socks and underwear, and used them to try to clean things up, she sucked me off. The next day, I received a text from her saying that she had a great time. No apology for shitting on me; no quip to lighten things up. I'd suspect that she forgot the whole ordeal (she was drunk), but I'm confident that despite my efforts to clean up, she awoke the next day with shit on her person and skirt. In the days since, my sympathy for the cute little thing has turned into resentment. Shouldn't she have known she had to poop? Shouldn't she have apologized?

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

You did all the right things after that Spanish tramp shit on you--and we're talking shit here, not a splash or two of santorum. You pulled out, you cleaned up, you moved on to something else. Some folks would've freaked, but, eh, those folks don't get it. You can put lipstick on an ass, my friends, but it's still an ass. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Shit shouldn't happen; it's gross when it does. But when you're fucking ass, shit has to be regarded as a "known known."

The accidental shitter, however, owes the mortified shittee the courtesy of being appropriately mortified; the shitter should also quickly assume all clean-up duties (oral doesn't count). Based on this girl's actions, SSBB, I'd say she was blind drunk, utterly clueless, into shit, or all of the above. Whatever her major malfunction, SSBB, wipe her number from your phone's memory.

Dear Dan: I recently read on Wikipedia (which knows all) that you own Ann Landers's desk. I really enjoyed her column growing up, and now I rather enjoy yours. I'm just wondering how you display the desk, and if you use it when you're doing your own writing.

Curious Wikipedian

I do own Ann Landers's desk. I bought it at an auction after Landers passed away--after securing an OK from Ann Landers's daughter, Margo Howard--and when I'm not writing Savage Love in a bar, an airport, or an inflatable igloo, I write at Landers's desk. And let me tackle the obvious follow-up question: I've never had sex on Landers's desk, you sick fucks. I can't go so far as to say that Landers's desk has been entirely unmolested since it came into my possession, as I'm not the only person with after-hours access to my offices. But if this desk has been violated, it wasn't by me.

mail@savagelove.net


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Is it Possible for a Man to Insert His Balls into a Woman? | 19 comments (19 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
why would you do that? (none / 1) (#1)
by GhostOfTiber on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 12:22:43 PM EST

Why would you shit all over that man and then post about it on the internet? Are you bragging?

[Nimey's] wife's ass is my cocksheath. - undermyne

Twitter Style (3.00 / 5) (#2)
by InternetMarketer on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 01:06:29 PM EST

11:04PM - Where's a goddam dog? I'm horny
11:15PM - Balls deep in the Spanish bitch and there's a fucking EARTHQUAKE happening
11:30PM - Nevermind, she just had a massive shit.


I'm going to try that (3.00 / 2) (#4)
by BottleRocket on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 01:23:41 PM EST


$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
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$ . . . . .
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Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $
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. ₩ . . . . . ¥ . . . . . € . . . . . § . . . . . £
$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
$B R Σ III$

Tone: Hell yeah! (3.00 / 8) (#5)
by HorsePlops on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 01:25:38 PM EST

Jennifer: <moaning>
Leroy and Clyde: ...spank...spank...spank...
Tone: Should I nut(?) or stick my nuts in there like that?
Leroy: Stick yo' nuts in der' nigga!
Leroy and Clyde: (shouting) SPREAD YO' ASS! SPREAD YO' ASS!
Leroy: Spread them ass cheeks, girl!
Jennifer: <groaning>
Clyde: Spread them muthafuckas open.
Leroy: AWWW NIGGA!!!
Leroy: Awww nigga, get 'em!
Leroy: (falsetto) Spread 'em, bitch!
Tone: Relax yer ass and just spread your cheeks.
Clyde: You can get 'em in dere.
Tone: I'm tryin' to see if I can get my shit in dere now.
Leroy: Get 'em in dere, dog.
Tone: Some tight <unintelligible>
Tone: That's right,bitch!
Leroy: First nut's in dere.
Tone: That's right bitch!
Leroy: The right nut's in that muthafucka!
Clyde: Freak that bitch out, Tone! Freak that bitch out, Tone!
Leroy: Nutsack <unintelligible> in th' asshole!
Clyde: Oh, Nigga! Nigga!
Leroy: That's it! Nutsack in th' asshole!
Leroy: Let's see you put th' dick down. Put th' dick down th' pussy!
Clyde: Oh, clown on her.
Leroy: Nigga, put th' dick down th' pussy!
Leroy and Clyde: <laughter>
Tone: What? What? Nuts in the ass, dick in the pussy! You's a nasty girl, ain't ya?
Jennifer: Uh-huh.
Clyde: Clownin'.
Tone: Oh shit.
Leroy: Hell yeah.
Tone: I'm fittin' to go try dis at home!

Dear Dan, (3.00 / 8) (#6)
by Harry B Otch on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 01:41:06 PM EST

Is it possible for a kuron to remain a nominal heterosexual while constantly snowballing a gay sex columnist's regurgitated cum?

Signed,

Confused, Timid, & Sexless

-----
I used to have a Hitler moustache, only mine was brown, not black like his. - Michae

IS IT POSSIBLE NOT TO????????????===========D (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by Vampire Zombie Abu Musab al Zarqawi on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 01:42:30 PM EST



"Dear Dan Savage..." (3.00 / 7) (#10)
by Stick Apart on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 02:20:12 PM EST

"I took a Coca-Cola bottle and I accidentally the whole thing!!!??!!!!
What should I do?!!!!?"

Actually I emailed his, uh, "handlers", about possibly having him come speak at my school...the lulz would be epic, epic I say.
-------
JOIN THE RAY ECKSON CLUB

AWW NIGGA (none / 1) (#14)
by it certainly is on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 03:31:57 PM EST

Dick in the pussy, nuts in the asshole... man, I'm fixin' to try this at home. Awwww nigga!

kur0shin.org -- it certainly is

Godwin's law [...] is impossible to violate except with an infinitely long thread that doesn't mention nazis.

better be careful (none / 1) (#17)
by postDigital on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 04:30:33 PM EST

The Nutcracker Suite is the primary cause of tinker bell spermatozoa.



Ha ha Dan Savage can get so defensive (3.00 / 1) (#19)
by livus on Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 08:36:36 PM EST

for someone ostensibly so laid back he comes across as a bit shrill and jumping to conclusions in this one.

---
HIREZ substitute.
be concrete asshole, or shut up. - CTS
I guess I skipped school or something to drink on the internet? - lonelyhobo
I'd like to hope that any impression you got about us from internet forums was incorrect. - debillitatus
I consider myself trolled more or less just by visiting the site. HollyHopDrive

Is it Possible for a Man to Insert His Balls into a Woman? | 19 comments (19 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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