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Harry Potter is thinly-veiled homosexual propaganda

By gndn in Op-Ed
Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 08:18:41 AM EST
Tags: Fuck Harry Potter (all tags)

The story is about a boy who lives in a cupboard (i.e. "in the closet"). His Aunt and Uncle are ashamed of him because his parents were quite eccentric (i.e. "flaming") and they are deeply concerned and afraid that he will turn out just like them. On his 11th birthday (i.e. roughly at the onset of puberty), the boy discovers that he is actually a "wizard", different in both style and substance from normal people, or "muggles" (i.e. "breeders"). The boy is groomed into his new existence by a large, hairy bear of a man who shows Harry a hidden underground community of "wizards" living right under the noses of the general population (i.e. the gay subculture). Harry's first trip to this subculture involves traveling through "Diagon Alley", a play on the word diagonally (i.e. not straight).


One of Harry's first rites of passage in his new life is to select a wand (i.e. penis). The wand/penis is the most important tool in a Wizard's arsenal (or arse) and so this scene is treated with great reverence and mystery. While experiencing Diagon Alley for the first time, Harry also pauses with a group of other young boys to admire a much coveted broomstick (i.e. long hard shaft of wood).

Harry's indoctrination begins in earnest when he is sent to a special school who purpose is to train him to use his wizard powers safely, while still being able to live in a world full of muggles. Young students at this school are forbidden from practicing "magic" (i.e. homosexuality) outside of the school (this is the so-called "restriction on the use of underage magic"). They are also forbidden from using magic in the presence of muggles, who might be frightened or angered by witnessing it, an obvious and heavy handed commentary on gay-straight societal tension.

The students at this school are segregated by gender, a clear attempt to encourage homosexual relationships. The most popular pastime at the school is a game called "Quidditch", which involves riding hard shafts of wood, handling several types of balls, and trying to score points by successfully penetrating the hoop. This activity is enthusiastically endorsed by school officials for obvious reasons. Harry quickly excels at this new game and quickly becomes known for his above-average broom handling.

Harry spends a great deal of time with Hagrid, the man-bear who first initiated him into the wizarding world, but also forms a close friendship with Ron, a fellow student (and first real boyfriend). The two also tolerate the presence of Hermione, a female classmate who compensates for her lack of a penis by being a better than average student. Together, this troublemaking threesome get into mischief on numerous occasions, causing consternation and concern among the teachers.

Ultimately, the story is about Harry coming to terms with the tragic and premature death of his gay parents, who both died from AIDS (personified in the story by a cliche evil villain named Lord Voldemort). Although both his parents were struck down by the horrible disease, Harry himself was spared (though it did leave him scarred for life, i.e. infected with HIV but not full blown AIDS). Harry desperately searches for a new father figure to fill the void (either figuratively or literally) left by his father's absence. Harry first clings on to Hagrid the man-bear, then later Dumbledore, a kind but haggard old pedophile, and finally clutches on to Sirius Black, an old friend of his father's and Harry's godfather. Sirius has the curious ability to transform into a wild dog (i.e. he is an aggressive top). Harry's father had the ability to transform into a horse (a sly reference to penis size, lol horsecock). Harry himself has the ability to communicate with snakes (i.e. a deep understanding and appreciation of penises).

Harry is further traumatized when one of his classmates, Cedric, is also cruelly cut down by Lord AIDSmort. Harry attempts to warn the others that "Voldemort has returned" (i.e. AIDS is on the rise), but the majority of the wizarding community chooses not to believe this out of sheer denial. Only Dumbledore, the wise old one, and a few others believe Harry at first. Harry is at first ostracized but later vindicated for attempting to warn the community about the dangers of Lord AIDSmort. Sadly, Harry's newly adopted father, Sirius, is cut down in the process by one of Lord AIDSmort's henchmen (let's say syphilis).

Harry's career ambition after all this is to become an Auror - a dark wizard catcher (i.e. an AIDS awareness campaigner). This is the only way to ease the pain he feels from the loss of his dead friends and family while keeping other young wizards safe from the "dark side" of wizarding, i.e. AIDS.

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Poll
Harry Potter
o Gay 10%
o Straight 3%
o Ambiguous 10%
o Irrelevant 16%
o Bring on the Hermione lesbo scene 60%

Votes: 60
Results | Other Polls

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Harry Potter is thinly-veiled homosexual propaganda | 43 comments (35 topical, 8 editorial, 0 hidden)
gosh, what a clever and original attempt at humor (3.00 / 9) (#1)
by the spins on Mon Jul 16, 2007 at 04:48:18 PM EST


 _
( )
 X
/ \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

It's also worth noting the failed (2.45 / 11) (#12)
by balsamic vinigga on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 12:24:43 AM EST

female love interest of Cho Chang. That romance kind of fizzled due to lack of any real chemistry. Obviously, Harry had flirted with the idea of heterosexuality with an asian girl (asian girls are built like 12 year old boys) but it just didn't work out for him.

---
Please help fund a Filipino Horror Movie. It's been in limbo since 2007 due to lack of funding. Please donate today!
You must be right (3.00 / 3) (#13)
by michaelmalak on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 02:00:26 AM EST

Anything so lacking in plot has to be a porn movie.

Oh, wait, there was that movie called Goonies.  Was that a porn movie too?

--
BergamoAcademy.com  Authentic Montessori in Denver

pure fucking garbage. (3.00 / 12) (#15)
by I See You Always on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 02:29:05 AM EST



The ONLY ending that I would find acceptable (3.00 / 5) (#17)
by Masquitos Davis on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 03:48:28 PM EST

is where Harry Potter whips off what turns out to have been a mask, and reveals himself to be Michael Crawford.

Then he gets all "ogg frog" on Hermoine's ass.

I need a 2nd opinion (none / 1) (#20)
by postDigital on Tue Jul 17, 2007 at 08:53:10 PM EST

Conservapedia, "The Trustworthy Encyclodpedia", which is run by Phyllis Schlafly's son, Andrew Schlafly, so you know it's gotta be factfilled truth has this to say about Harry Potter, and allegations that the book series supported anti-Christian ideology:

In 2003, a Vatican representative said the books, "aren't serving as the banner for an anti-Christian theology.... I don't think there's anyone in this room who grew up without fairies, magic, and angels in their imaginary world."

Which doesn't much help to clear up the question of whether Harry Potter is gay, but clearly, a Vatican representative who grew up with "fairies, magic, and angels in their imaginary world" is a true believer that his job is heaven upon earth, and is most assuredly gay.

It is also a pretty good indicator that Schlafly boy is one motherfucking dumb son of a bitch posting papist dribble as an authoritarian citation in a namespace he claims is Conservatism's wikipedia. There aren't many evangelicals who have hopped onto that Popemobile Driven Ecumentalist Wagon that's heading straight for the Gates of Hell. To top that off, Pope Ratzo's recent mouthing off about his own personal Jesus, and calling bragging rights because believing in his own self's most holy beingness is the one and only true path up to the pearly gates didn't come off as a popularity winner with the holy-rollers of the right either, especially with that thick Colonel Klinkish German accented Latin he spews when performing Midnight Mass just before he cuts out a baby's heart for an appropriate appetizer to go along with the communion wafers and wine entree.



Bye kuro5hin (2.71 / 14) (#22)
by haslo on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 10:23:38 AM EST

You used to be cool, but lately all I read here is irrelevant bullshit.

A nice time for cleaning up my feedreader a bit it seems.

FanFuckingTastic (none / 1) (#24)
by Polyester Jones on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 11:53:41 AM EST

Any randomly selected Harry Potter Fan Fiction contribution will corroborate this thesis.

--
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
-Anonymous
inreresting that you think it's the only... (none / 1) (#25)
by mikelist on Wed Jul 18, 2007 at 05:24:31 PM EST

...correlation. gay isn't a secret society, at least not any more. queers in high places, ie state and federal electives, entertainers, as well as the usual artists and authors.

i'm thinking like ms-dos freaks.

oh, i see what you mean.

Better version (2.50 / 2) (#26)
by wiredog on Thu Jul 19, 2007 at 08:24:51 AM EST

Here.

The idea of a global village is wrong, it's more like a gazillion pub bars.
Phage

OOOOOOOOO...K (none / 1) (#29)
by deus diabolus on Fri Jul 20, 2007 at 10:16:41 AM EST

Where's the Dumbledore/Hagrid slash?

Harry Potter! (none / 1) (#30)
by Anal Warts on Fri Jul 20, 2007 at 04:21:36 PM EST

Harry Potter is a http://rectalwart.com

This should be posted (3.00 / 2) (#32)
by harrystottle on Sat Jul 21, 2007 at 07:47:42 PM EST

where it will do the most good

If you do it, make sure it looks real...

and don't forget to tell us you've done it...

Mostly harmless

Awesome (none / 1) (#34)
by Ta bu shi da yu on Mon Jul 23, 2007 at 04:18:47 AM EST

Best laught I've had in ages!

---
AdTIה"the think tank that didn't".
ה
Really? (none / 1) (#35)
by Marvaud on Wed Jul 25, 2007 at 09:30:57 PM EST

So ye say!
It may well be thinly veiled assexualist propoganda,
but really, at the end of the day,
gripe if you will,
the fact is that the Harry Potter books
have re-introduced the joys of reading
to many children out there.
And although, I'm not a great fan myself,
I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Like a pre-pubescent Freud. (none / 1) (#37)
by Revolutionary Debris on Thu Jul 26, 2007 at 11:45:06 PM EST



Harry Potter is about being different (none / 1) (#38)
by roffe on Fri Jul 27, 2007 at 05:17:27 AM EST

Of course it make sense to read homosexuality into Harry Potter, however the books could be about any socially problematic difference.

I like the point about the closet. Hadn't thought about that. But Aurors as a metaphor for Aids campaigners - that's a stretch.


--
Rolf Marvin Bøe Lindgren
roffe@extern.uio.no


Goodness! (none / 1) (#40)
by Maeve on Thu Aug 02, 2007 at 02:29:32 PM EST

It took someone this long to realize that?

It is obvious Ms. Rowling is out to corrupt, and turn our childern gay.

She's picking up where the incestuous, gay Grimm Brothers left off.

Thank you for your insight.

rolls eyes

You re stupid. (3.00 / 2) (#42)
by tardfu on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 01:32:53 AM EST

Harry Potter is completely unvieled asexual propaganda.

The story follows the life of a boy from 11 or so to 17 or so.

Never once is masturbation mentioned.

Yeah right.

Oh yeah-- written by a woman-- but, according to my wife, even women masturbate.

But no.

Piers Anthony, though he is a dirty pervert, comes closer to the truth with Xanth, but even then, it pales to my personal experience.

It absolutelely astounds me that there is no mention of the problem of enslaving house elves for sex, or conjuring nymphs in Rowlings stories.

Unbelievable.

Complete fantasy.

Useless pap. Complete garbage.


Harry Potter is thinly-veiled homosexual propaganda | 43 comments (35 topical, 8 editorial, 0 hidden)
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