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[19.] A list of a few very funny sentences (7.09.2006)

By satyr in satyr's Diary
Thu Sep 07, 2006 at 04:14:56 PM EST
Tags: entertainment, fun, general, joke, sentence (all tags)

In my today's first "diary-entry" I am just posting a relatively short list of, in my opinion very funny sentences (or should I rather say "life truths"), and sentences that got their "meaning" or their "sense" through the special order of words in them, that I got somewhere on the Internet if I recall correctly ...

1. Nobody's perfect and since I'm nobody...
2. I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
3. On the other hand... you have different fingers.
4. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
5. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
6. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
7. Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
8. Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. Jim Davis (Garfield the Cat)
9. All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
10. 90% of all statistics are made up.
11. My parents made me what I am today. I'm thinking of suing.
12. You can't have everything...where would you put it?
13. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
14. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
15. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
16. A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
17. e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm".
18. I think therefore I am... I think.
19. Deja moo = "I swear that's the exact same cow we passed about six miles ago."
20. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
21. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
22. I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add.
23. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
24. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
25. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.


And a few additional ones that are originally not from this list ...

26. Where ever you go, there you are. (from some forum)
27. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. (from some forum)
28. God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? (from some forum)
29. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. (from some forum)
30. If age is an attitude, I need an attitude adjustment. (from some forum)
31. If practice makes perfect, and I am doing it wrong, then I am doing it perfectly wrong. (from some forum)
32. Opinions are like assholes... everybody's got one, and they're often full of shit. (from some forum)
33. I just don trust to anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. (from South Park)
34. I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.


Regards, Ivan Tadej

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[19.] A list of a few very funny sentences (7.09.2006) | 11 comments (11 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
I call Shenanigans. (3.00 / 4) (#1)
by infernalmajesty on Thu Sep 07, 2006 at 04:28:07 PM EST

None of these are funny.

I [...] hit submit [...,] repeating a rookie mistake. Oh well. - Kaki Nix Sain
Rule #6 of trolling (3.00 / 3) (#2)
by MrHanky on Thu Sep 07, 2006 at 04:29:19 PM EST

Never post something that is so fucking dumb that everyone knows you're trolling, unless allowed by rule #2.


"This was great, because it was a bunch of mature players who were able to express themselves and talk politics." Lettuce B-Free, on being a total fucking moron for Ron Paul.
[19.1] A list of a few very funny facts (3.00 / 2) (#3)
by Unski on Thu Sep 07, 2006 at 04:31:09 PM EST

Oh, hello.

In my today's first "diary-comment" I am just posting a relatively short list of, in my opinion very funny factoids (or should I rather say "life truths"), and sentences that got their "meaning" or their "sense" through the special order of words in them, that I got from Uncle John's Absolutely Absorbing Bathroom Reader if I recall correctly ...

Poker Odds

  • Odds of getting one pair in a hand of poker: 1 in every 1.37 hands.
  • A royal flush: 1 in every 649,739 hands.

Slippery When Wet
- Ice isn't slippery. What makes people and things slip on ice is water. A thin layer of ice melts when pressure is applied to it and it is this wet layer on top of the ice that is slippery.

Titles of 4 Hollywood Films Re-Dubbed in Hong Kong

  • Fargo: "Mysterious Murder in Snowy Cream."
  • The English Patient: "Don't Ask Me Who I Am."
  • Boogie Nights: "His Powerful Device Makes Him Famous."
  • Nixon: "The Big Liar."

4 Names for Things You Didn't Know Had Names
  • Aglet: "The covering on the end of a shoelace."
  • Phosphenes: "The lights you see when you close your eyes hard."
  • Kick or Punt: "The indentation at the bottom of wine bottles."
  • Harp: "The metal hoop that supports a lampshade."


You're still here??!!??? $ (none / 0) (#11)
by seamstressNo11 on Sun Sep 10, 2006 at 01:10:37 PM EST



[19.] A list of a few very funny sentences (7.09.2006) | 11 comments (11 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
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