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[P]
My Advice For The Young Guys, or, Here's Hoping You Don't Screw Up Like I Did

By internetslacker in Op-Ed
Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 06:21:17 AM EST
Tags: Culture (all tags)
Culture

I've thought about writing this article for a few years but I've hesitated. Slacked off, really. I'm a goddamn Slacker and PROUD of it... but my lifestyle choice and personal deadlines rarely empty their genital sacs simultaneously.

But! What I'm going to say needs to be said, goddammit... and if you know any young men who can benefit from the following advice, forward this article. FORWARD IT! I'm serious as a cop investigating a doughnut factory hold-up, folks. I've experienced A LOT of bad shit and, honestly, I don't want to see guys in their teens and twenties going through the same anguish I did.


Writing an advice article can be tricky; I firmly believe in my following wisdom, but I do have a real fear of sounding like a prick-headed know-it-all. I'm not such a disgusting creature, believe me. I'm just a humble thirty-eight year old eccentric bald-headed bastard writer with the benefit of some hard-earned wisdom. SO GIVE ME MY GODDAMNED DUE.

This article is aimed towards men, but I hope anyone of any gender (weird as that can get these days) will benefit from my ramblings. Except my ex-wife, of course. Nobody, and I mean nobody , can give her advice.

Criticize me, think me conceited, whatever... I don't give a ding-dong diddly goddamn. BUT! If the following advice helps just one young guy avoid some grief, I'm a happy slack bastard.



1) Don't get married too fast.

You may think you've met the love of your life. Marriage sounds like a great idea! Why not get hooked up early because you just KNOW she's the girl for you?!?

My advice: Wait. WAIT. WAIT YOU HORNY SON OF A BITCH. You'll be surprised how fast relationships can sour: you rush into marriage and two months later you hate your wife so much you're eyeing your power saw and the basement freezer. Not that I'm talking from personal experience, of course.

You DO NOT want to be a teen or in your early twenties facing divorce and possible alimony. You'll need that money for education, saving up for helpful crap like a car, decent clothes, etc. A broken marriage will break your bank account and, more than likely, break your heart so bad you may not ever recover
completely.

Trust me. Don't get married early. Since we're on the subject...



2) Don't have a kid.

Nothing will brutally mature you faster than being the father of a child, and that's probably not the right thing for you to go through as a young guy. Having a few years of experience under your belt will only serve you better if/when you decide to become a father. For now, hold off on showering your spermatoza all over the female population and use these years for yourself . First you gotta learn what makes you tick before you try to wind someone else's watch, especially an impressionable child.

NOW, if you've already gone off and fathered a child, Life may look pretty bleak, but it's not. You have a responsibility to the child, yes, but you have an equal responsibility to yourself to be a happy and well-adjusted person. You and the mother of your child have to sit down like two adults, maybe find some sane and balanced older adults for advice and mediation, and talk things out. And talk. And talk. You and the mother must mutually decide the relationship you'll have, both with her and the child. Lack of communication is a mistake I made in my life, and it lead to my son becoming estranged to me, and I regret it every day. Of course, my ex was no prize peach herself, but I'll stop right here before things get litigatable.

I could go on and on about this particular topic, but then this article would be a freakin' book. Just remember, in any relationship, honest and open communication is the key. (Unless your girlfriend catches you crying during a sad movie; then it's okay to lie that you have "something caught in your eye".



3) Get a higher education IF it suits you; if you do get a higher education, pick a useful one.

Success is not guaranteed by an education; many very successful people didn't go to college or university, or even graduate high school. The main value of higher education is two-fold: one, to gain knowledge and skills; and two, to get a piece of paper that allows you to bullshit yourself into a higher paying job.

My advice is to go for higher education, but learn something that will be genuinely useful, for babbling christ's sakes. If you get a diploma in "Museum Management", "General Communications", or "Classic French Literature", chances are you're going to be saying, "you want fries with that, sir?" for a good chunk of your life WHILE paying off student loan fees with your minimum wage earnings. OH, THE JOY.

Fill your brain with something actually useful , like computer programming or the basics of running a business or, hell, learn videography if you aspire to be a porn director. Find where your interests, education, and the good jobs meet and you'll have a damn better chance of having a better job than wiping out the grease traps at McDonald's.



4) Be aware that the shit may very well all rain down one day. (civilization collapse)

Yes, I know, GRIM. But be aware, young man, that the few people in power now are seriously pissing off the millions and billions of good folk on this planet. Save up some profits from your porn business for emergency funds, and keep your eye on the news from ALL sources, main and independant. Be critical: most of the mainstream newsfeeds feed bullshit and lies to the masses, while the small news services (both paper and Internet) sometimes get to the real truth in a story.

Stay informed about the world: if and when society beings to collapse around you, you'll have a running start away from the doomed masses...hopefully. Beyond that, hell, I don't know... scour the barren nuclear wastelands for scraps of metal to sell to the mutants for food.



5) Avoid the corporate money trap (buying fashionable items, etc)

Popular media WANTS you to buy, and buy, and buy! Stay in fashion, or you'll never get the girl or be as popular as those shiny bright happy people on television.

Bullshit. Buy what you need, and treat yourself only when you've genuinely done something worth elebrating. Fashion? Fuck it. I wear jeans and a t-shirt... a BLANK t-shirt. If someone is interested in me only for money or trendy clothes or possessions, I could give a rat's plague-infested dripping anal sphincter about their personal welfare. But if someone likes me for whom I am (and that's one weird mofo indeed, both them and me), then they are a friend for life. I don't need fancy goddamn STINKING COLOGNE FOR THAT!



6) Choose friends you know you can depend on.

Be picky about your friends. There are a lot of people out there who'd love to be your friend for their own agenda, be it absorbing your cash, emotional energy, or apartment: "hey, I just need to crash at your place for a few days, budddddyyyyy..."

Give every potential new pal a probation period before calling them a friend; instantly becoming good buddies with everyone you meet will make you a genuinely bitter, angry, and mal-adjusted person (such as myself).



7) When choosing a vice, choose marijuana.

Alcohol and tobacco have claimed millions of lives; I've personally lost a
couple of uncles due to their excessive drinking. Cannabis has caused ZERO deaths. And while smoking anything isn't good for you, if you're gonna have a vice (and who DOESN'T?), my advice would be to go for the "kind bud".

Yes, it's illegal. But we all know that's wrong. The sooner we stop sending money to the alcohol and tobacoo industries and start using a natural beneficial plant we can grow ourselves for low cost, the sooner those huge economic monolithes will stop draining us. And when was the last time you saw two potheads get into a fight? Usually they forget what they were arguing about, unlike alcoholics.

I'm not advocating you smoke cannabis. If you're living free of all vices, good for you (not that I'm going to follow your example). But if you want to alter your brain chemisty, have a joint.



8) Outer confidence is mostly an act for many people as they learn their inner confidence.

Hey, it's true. There's confidence in yourself, and that's good... but if you're still working on that issue, learn to bullshit people into thinking you're one mean decision making motherfucker. Don't be aggressive, be assertive: stand up for yourself, but don't lose your temper. Show a strong face to the world and
save the crying fits for your personal alone times, or close friends if you need someone to talk to.

Cold advice, I know, but it's a cold world. It's also a bullshit world, so feed the bullshit right back to 'em.



9) Trust no one in a position of power, trust those you respect.

Understand that the good politician who genuinely wants to serve the people is the rare exception, not the rule. Many of the laws on the books serve only the wealthy few, certainly not you. Always question why the government wants you to do a certain thing, or pay a new tax, or stay at a new "re-assignment center" for awhile (okay, maybe a bit extreme, but you can see where I'm going with this). If you don't keep trying to find the truth in why you're being manipulated, the lies will continue to control you.

Instead of looking to the powerful and popular, look at the people around you. Seek those approachable friendly bastards who have something to teach, some helpful wisdom to help you avoid the shit-traps of reality. These people ARE around you, more than you know: you just have to be humble for a goddamn second and LOOK.

10) Realize your POWER.

You're a young man. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and all that happy-crappy cliche lemon souffle. But the cliche is true: your youth is POWER. Don't fret about what you DON'T know, BE FREAKING JOYOUS in all the interesting and outright COOL stuff you can learn and do...


And CHANGE.


There's old people in dusty retirement homes right now, my young friend; their life is over, death is only a few machine pings away. Did THEY do something with their lives? Probably not, since you or I don't know any of their names. Do you want to end up regretting what you didn't do with, well, the juicy lickable vaginal opening that is LIFE? NO! YOU DON'T! Hell, I'm only thirty-eight and I'm ALREADY regretting a lot of stuff I didn't do in my younger years.

You have power now, in your youth and future, that is glorious & precious; many people would give their souls to regain this power, even for a single day. This power is YOURS for many years... but sure as hell not forever. MAKE yourself grow in wisdom, awareness, and knowledge, both in self and the world; your confidence, abilities, and satisfaction will grow more and more every single day, and you will live a goddamned happy life.

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Poll
If you're a guy under the age of twenty-five, how do you feel about the future?
o Really optimistic! 5%
o Optimistic. 22%
o Somewhat optimistic. 22%
o Not really looking forward to the future. 3%
o Nothing's getting better. 11%
o Things are getting really bad now, I can't imagine the future. 5%
o Personally, I think we're doomed. 28%

Votes: 53
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Also by internetslacker


Display: Sort:
My Advice For The Young Guys, or, Here's Hoping You Don't Screw Up Like I Did | 703 comments (649 topical, 54 editorial, 14 hidden)
you forget (2.72 / 11) (#5)
by my gold bling shines on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 06:20:59 PM EST

that young people have one rule.

1) Whenever someone gives you advice on how to live your life, do the opposite, just to spite them.

All the cataclysmic mistakes you make as you mature, and dealing with the aftermath, that's how you grow as a person. All the people that somehow did everything right the first time round often find something strangely lacking later on. If they continue down the path of getting everything right, they are destined to commit suicide in their tool shed four weeks after retirement.


Stop your blubbering prima donna - BottleRocket
"Cannabis has caused ZERO deaths." (2.50 / 2) (#6)
by debacle on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 06:23:13 PM EST

False.

A semi-good guide up to 5 and 6.

Anything after 5 really can be excluded.

It tastes sweet.

We have a question (2.20 / 5) (#9)
by United Fools on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 08:17:29 PM EST

How to be sure we can sell valuable metal after the civilization collapses? There will be no police, no law, so how can you be sure the bad guys just won't take the metal and leave without paying?

We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
+1 FP, sincere (1.85 / 7) (#10)
by United Fools on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 08:18:40 PM EST


We are united, we are fools, and we are America!
interesting (2.66 / 6) (#14)
by don brakes on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 11:27:12 PM EST

i'm starting to question the whole idea of living my life trying to avoid future regret.

Advocating betterment of man: +1 /nt (1.66 / 3) (#16)
by infernalmajesty on Sun Apr 23, 2006 at 11:29:43 PM EST



I [...] hit submit [...,] repeating a rookie mistake. Oh well. - Kaki Nix Sain
all good except for #4 (1.33 / 3) (#18)
by circletimessquare on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 12:07:57 AM EST

#4 is f***ing retarded

a meteor can hit me in the head tomorrow. the point being, i can't control that. so even though it means my death, since i can't control it, it is what it is. i won't prepare for the bird flu/ osama with nukes/ whatever. it can next week, it can happen never. who knows? i won't prepare for these thing simply because i don't know if/ when they are oging to happen, and even if they happened, whether or not i'm fucked that day, a week from then, or, with pure luck, never, depends on random variables utterly beyond my control or foresight, or anyone else's

i need to waste my brain cycles on things i can actually control in my life. wasting my brain cycles on things i could never possibly control is really stupid and quite hysterical


The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.

When choosing a vice, choose marijuana (2.00 / 4) (#28)
by mumble on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 03:44:58 AM EST

I have to strongly disagree with this one. I personally know _5_ people that developed schizophrenia from doing too much dope! I don't know of a single case where alcohol or ciggies have caused that.

Ask Mike, schizophrenia can fuck up your life absolutely and totally.

-----
stats for a better tomorrow
mumble lang on github
mumble lang blog
collected blog posts

Point number zero (2.66 / 6) (#37)
by rpresser on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 09:46:50 AM EST

Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

Unpacking that a bit to get past the pun, you WILL suffer disappointments, you WILL blame yourself for them, and there's NOTHING you can do either to prevent it or prepare for it.

------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty

Just on the other side (2.50 / 6) (#48)
by Sgt York on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 12:20:19 PM EST

Speaking as someone on just the other side, that doesn't regret his choices:

#1 : This one is often misunderstood, I think. It's not just a factor of age or maturity of the individuals, but also the maturity of the relationship. I've known people who got married for the first time in their late 30's, and the marriages didn't last a year because neither really knew what the other wanted. It's not just your maturity, it's also the maturity of the relationship.

#2 : At first, I was going to call bullshit. Then I recalled this is addressed to guys in their early 20's. Yeah, don't have kids. Yet. If I had had my kids at 22, that would have sucked ROYALLY. But I wouldn't trade the world for the time I've spent with my them since my late 20's.

But there's something in this that needs to be stressed. It reall needs its own point. Communication. Yeah, OP says it would be a book if he went into it. Take this to heart.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT SKILLS YOU WILL *EVER* HAVE.
They will make or break you.

#3 : Hear fucking hear. If you are about to go to college, read the last 2 paragraphs of #3 again. Then print it out. Put it by your desk and read it every time you look at a college application. Take it to college with you and read it again every time you register for classes.

#4 Heh. I'd say prepare for your own, personal collapse, and don't worry so much about civilization coming down around your ears. The former is much more likely, and you have zero control in the latter. Odds are you will be wiped out in the first wave. Unless your last name happens to be Titor.

#5 Be sure to include this one in your printout of that part of #3. Google the average consumer debt of a college graduate in the US. Recall that consumer debt does not include student loans. Try not to weep too profusely while contemplating what this means for our society, and I do mean globally.

#6 Good luck finding good, real friends. If you are very lucky, you might find three or four. If you are exceptionally lucky, one will be of your gender of preference, and you now have a spouse. Make that happen. I did, and I have never regretted it for a second. When you do find them, always remember that rarity imparts value.

#7 : I'd adjust this to "When chosing a vice, don't." Sure, MJ is pretty damn benign. But don't go looking for a vice. That's just stupid. If you feel you absolutely must have a vice, smack yourself in the head with something blunt and exercise point #9.

#8 : Yep. Dead on. Sucks, don't it?

#9 I don't agree with this one. People in power are more likely to be corrupt, but making blanket statements is stupid (yah, teh irony). Sure, always question, but remember sometimes the answer is right under your nose, and if you ask directly instead of investigating for yourself you'll just look like a confrontational idiot. Some people in authority are actually decent people, who want to help, but screw up on occasion.

Also, remember that you far too often base your respect on a single attribute or association. A person may have great advice, but you won't listen to them because ______.

One last, but very important thing to remember. Who is the final authority in your life? Who is ultimately responsible for all that you do and become? Yeah, you are. When exercising this point, recall that you, too are an authority to your own life, and should therefore be questioned at all times. Question your own policies. Make hard and fast decisions, but look for patterns in your decisions, and question the motives behind those patterns. Stiffness is a mark of death.

#10 Approach life with expectant, reverent joy. And not just as a young man. Never lose that joy. Fight to hold on to it. Spit in the face of the one that says you have to give it up. The power does not magically disappear as you blow out the candles on your 30th birthday. It only leaves when you let it go.

And I'd add #11. All things lead to who you are. Regret is for suckers. Do not regret anything you have done or failed to do. Learn, move on, and be happy that you have learned.

One last thing. For point #12, see sig.

There is a reason for everything. Sometimes, that reason just sucks.

-1: plain flat out sucks (2.50 / 2) (#50)
by t1ber on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 12:55:40 PM EST

The formatting is crap.

But as for the justification of the reefer, that's probably the reason why reefers don't ever succeed in getting cannibis legalized.  The clothing argument is crap (just for reference:  sisal is used in cat scratching posts, that should be your first clue something is very, very wrong), the "it's never killed anyone" is crap too.  It's killed plenty of people who have gone "joyriding".  Who cares if they have alcohol, tobacco, or pot in their system?  Impaired driving is still the stupidest idea ever.  Please kill yourself.  Under that definition, which is pretty much a standard, MJ has killed just as many people as anything else which impairs you.  Now, if you rewrite it to argue that it should be legalized under the same set of rules and same set of warnings that are out there for smoking and drinking, that is approaching the reality of responsible use.  I'll still -1 this whole thing however since it will remain a badly formatted rambling pile of crap.

And she said...
Durka Durka Mohammed Jihad
Sherpa Sherpa Bak Allah
Hadji girl I can't understand what you're saying.

My advice (2.00 / 3) (#64)
by Hugh Jass on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 04:15:19 PM EST

11) Never mix quaaludes and acid.


"In war the moral is to the physical, as three to one." - Bonaparte

Agreement with most, except the vices (1.88 / 9) (#71)
by Orion Blastar Again on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 05:05:15 PM EST

Smoking a joint can make you fail drug tests when you apply for jobs. Ideally you want to have no vices at all, and maybe replace them with hobbies instead. Eating certain foods can change brain chemestry. Eating foods high in folic acid can fight chemical imbalances that cause depression, for example. One might be better off taking a multivitamin than smoke a joint. Maybe drink energy drinks instead of smoking a joint or something to keep yourself legal and allow yourself to be hired.

I have former freinds who decided their only vice was smoking a joint, only to have it ruin their careers and lead to a criminal lifestyle. High School friends of mine ended up in juvenille halls because after smoking a few joints, they thought it would be good to mug people or steal cars. If they hadn't smoked a few joints, maybe they wouldn't make those sort of bad decisions? It made them really paranoid of friends like me who didn't smoke joints, and it lead them to try to beat me up as a result. One, while under the influence of pot, drove a car off an unfinished highway ramp and broke the wall preventing cars from driving on it, and fell to his death and got crushed in his car. It can impair thinking, which is something a young person does not need.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

Like point three (2.00 / 3) (#81)
by Niha on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 06:46:16 PM EST

  A bit difficult, maybe, but it is a good idea to look for the point where interests meet education and good jobs. Money is important, but what you do to get it and wether it satisfies you or not counts as well.

suspected crosspost (1.25 / 8) (#82)
by Linux or Mac OS X on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 06:55:56 PM EST

full of buttsechsy-goodness.

-1.


"Ugh, my stomach is full of tequila and semen." - LilDebbie


ysb

2) Don't have a kid. (2.66 / 3) (#87)
by alphaxer0 on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 07:03:28 PM EST

is great advice given that children will ruin your life. Particularly if your a single mommy, because in their case, the party's over.

Great suggestions (2.57 / 7) (#93)
by strlen on Mon Apr 24, 2006 at 10:20:40 PM EST

I think the biggest common theme is 'stop following peer pressure'. You don't need to spend $100 every week on a pair of jeans, you don't need to buy lease a car you can't afford, you don't need to marry early. The key thing is being able to withstand social 'ostracism' that goes along with doing what is actually in your own benefit rather than what is considered trendy or fashionable.

On the topic of substances, it is amazing how much the 'social image' part of it plays. Drugs like extacy and cocaine, are incredibly destructive (and I say this as an opponent of the war on drugs), yet they (along with crystal meth) are eaten by college students as if they are breakfast cereal (thanks to our favorite linkwhore for phrasing it so eloquently). I wouldn't go into the actual cognitive impairments that can also be done by excess uses drinking of alcohol (i.e.: taking shots until one pukes and/or passes out; I've got no problem with moderate drinking). Almost all of that is done out of peer pressure.

I guess the advice can be summed up in just one phrase: be prudent and ignore the idiots in your peer group.

--
[T]he strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone. - Henrik Ibsen.

The story isn't that great (1.66 / 3) (#103)
by SoupIsGoodFood on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 02:30:26 AM EST

but the discussions might be interesting, so +1FP.

A bolt of unadulterated logic (2.93 / 16) (#112)
by A Bore on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 09:38:10 AM EST

DATA POINTS:
1) You are posting on kuro5hin
2) You are posting lifestyle advice.

From 1) and 2):
3) Your lifestyle advice, if followed, leads to posting on kuro5hin.
4) Arguably, only maladjusted, socially inept fantasists post on kuro5hin.

Therefore:
5) Your lifestyle advice, if followed, will probably transform you into a maladjusted, socially inept fantasist.
So it follows:
6) It should not be followed.

and...
7) -1

Dont wait too long to have a kid either... (2.12 / 8) (#121)
by claes on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 01:35:11 PM EST

or you'll have to go through endless humiliating physical examinations, have your entire sex life scheduled, and then perhaps still not have your own kid. This is a truly miserable situation.

It's most a function of the female's age, but when she reaches 30, the chances start to go down. Plus there's the issue of age difference -- do you really want to be raising a teen-ager when you're 62?

So think it over.

-- claes (a parent)

And Travel! (2.50 / 4) (#123)
by captainmish on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 03:26:47 PM EST

With no money. And false papers. Having a militant israeli teenager sticking his finger up your arse at ben gurion airport because you havent shaved and look like a suicide bomber makes for some deep and brutal soul searcing.

Don't be a programmer (2.57 / 7) (#131)
by speek on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 05:16:48 PM EST

You'll spend your life tweaking someone else's requirements.

--
al queda is kicking themsleves for not knowing about the levees

I don't agree about pot (1.75 / 4) (#139)
by Big Sexxy Joe on Tue Apr 25, 2006 at 06:19:15 PM EST

Most pot users a know are losers.

I'm like Jesus, only better.
Democracy Now! - your daily, uncensored, corporate-free grassroots news hour
You've got it back to front (2.00 / 5) (#153)
by nairobiny on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 08:13:57 AM EST

The problem isn't wasted power, it's wasted opportunity. When you're young, you can do anything. Unfortunately, you're often saddled with an immature brain and an aching dick so you fail to take advantage of the opportunities you are presented - you don't study hard at school, you don't invest properly in meaningful relationships; instead you get blasted on alcohol and drugs, you drift from one thing to another, you find yourself in crappy relationships and you let it all slip away.

It's unlikely that someone on their deathbed will wish that they had smoked more pot. But they may wish they had listened to their parents, never smoked, said please and thank you, been nicer to others, told their spouse and children more often that they loved them, invested rather than spent, etc. etc.

Having said all that, point 5 is a keeper.

My addition: Keep a journal (2.25 / 4) (#157)
by lukme on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 10:51:09 AM EST

There will be many incredible/interesting times in your life, that you will wish to remember better, as well as you kids would like to know (probably after you are gone).


-----------------------------------
It's awfully hard to fly with eagles when you're a turkey.
Some great advice in the comments... (2.50 / 1) (#161)
by internetslacker on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 11:28:34 AM EST

A big thank you to everyone who have made helpful comments; there's just as much helpful advice in the comments as there is in my article, if not more! And the personal viewpoints and constructive criticism make this a very informative read.

I consider this no longer my submission, but everyone on kuro5hin who has taken the time to give their advice. Hopefully a few young guys reading this article will avoid some grief. Or at the very least, avoid a "woman" like my ex-wife. Kee-rist.

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org

My addition (none / 0) (#176)
by Eccles on Wed Apr 26, 2006 at 08:01:28 PM EST

"If you do, don't tell me about it" is a really stupid idea.

+1 +1 +1 Best Article Evar (1.50 / 2) (#238)
by A synx on Thu Apr 27, 2006 at 01:39:06 AM EST

The only problem with it was your modesty in thinking that your advice isn't good enough for girls.  It would be so much nicer if everyone took your advice!

Fashion considered wholesome (to a point) (3.00 / 11) (#241)
by klash on Thu Apr 27, 2006 at 03:04:32 AM EST

Fashion? Fuck it. I wear jeans and a t-shirt... a BLANK t-shirt. If someone is interested in me only for money or trendy clothes or possessions, I could give a rat's plague-infested dripping anal sphincter about their personal welfare.

I can see where you're coming from, but I think you're going too far. There's no reason to be a slave to the latest trend, but the clothes you wear DO mean something, even to non-shallow people. They speak to how you feel, how you take care of yourself, how well you know your body, and your sense of style. Those things are attractive.

Can you appreciate a nicely decorated, well-kept apartment over one that's thrown together and has no character? Or (to put a geeky spin on it) can you appreciate a nice wallpaper and color scheme on a computer's desktop? It's the same thing. Aesthetically pleasing things have a charm to them, and the things that you find aesthetically pleasing are a big part of who you are.

For example, think about how different the aesthetic preferences are between a leather-clad motorcycle dude and a polo-clad golfer. Those differences extend way beyond what they happen to be wearing. Your jeans and plain white T-shirt say that you don't care about style, which is fine, but I don't think it's fair to deride those who do.

Without an appreciation for style, life would degrade into a drab whitewash where everything was purely functional. Would you like to see architects, designers, and artists all replaced with engineers who optimize only for utility? Where everyone wore the same clothes -- clothes that had been perfectly optimized for durability, comfort, warmth, and fit, without regard for how they look? Where people wore these same clothes regardless of occasion: to weddings, sports games, to work?

I say all this only because I used to think like you, but I've come around on this point.

Fashion is Communication (3.00 / 5) (#243)
by ultimai on Thu Apr 27, 2006 at 04:04:21 AM EST

Fashion is another form of communication.  The communication of the first-impression / first-look. What you decide to wear is what you decide to communicate to the people around you.

I'm not saying the author's style is bad or anything. It's actually a very good style. It communicates and filters what he wants.

But don't necessarily dissmiss fashion as a whole.  Be cautious although of the $300 BAPE t-shirt that costs at most $3-$7 to create.  In india, you can get armani exchange shirts (very good quality shirts) for $6 while in USA they're something obscene. That's the (marketing) bullshit I suggest and probably what the author was suggesting too.

living together and marriage (none / 0) (#303)
by orabidoo on Fri Apr 28, 2006 at 02:43:13 PM EST

Many people have answered the part about choosing a vice.  But the
part about marriage specially got me thinking about the order in
which we take the steps between "liking someone" and "having kids
with them".

My argument is: DON'T EVEN THINK OF GETTING MARRIED UNLESS YOU'VE
LIVED TOGETHER FOR YEARS.  Going back a bit, let me try to explain
the rationale for this.

In traditional societies, the individual comes well after the
collective: family, tribe, etc.  Thus marriages are mostly arranged,
your bride(groom) is chosen by the elders.  You get into marriage
knowing that you had little to no say in the choice, and that it's
not going to be easy, so you know you'll have to put a lot of work
to make it work.   So first society and your parents get involved.
Then you get married and have sex, and kids.  Then you actually get
to know each other, and see how the relationship goes.  The flow
goes from the outside to the inside; the very last thing you may
achieve, long after marriage, is a solid intimate relationship.

And if it doesn't go so well, divorce is generally frowned upon, so
the tried and true escape is to have secret, "illicit"
relationships.  I put illicit between quotes because those seem to
actually be quite well tolerated, as long as no-one talks about them
openly.  The same solution applies for unmarried people, who cannot
have sex openly.

It seems fair to say that modern western society no longer fits this
description.  For us, a relationship is first and foremost between
two people.  First you get to know and like each other, then you
have sex; later you tell your friends and relatives; and only much
later, after much planning, you tell the state, society at large,
and your deity of choice, by getting married.  So in this case the
flow goes from inside to outside; it starts with flickering feelings
of being in love, and ends in long-term planning.

The failure mode is also different; at least in the ideal state,
there is no room for hypocrisy in this model.  You're together
because you want to, so if you stop wanting, then you just stop
being together.  I'm just outlining things; I'm not at all denying
that break-ups are generally messy and emotionally wrecking.  The
point is that relationships are no longer "forever", but "as long as
we wish and are able to make it work".

The point of all this rambling is not at all to defend the modern
model over the traditional one, or the other way around.  I'm
assuming that you're with me in following the modern model; if
you've ever had sex without being married, or if you would, then
you're with me.

My point is this: if you're going to follow the modern model, do it
consistently.  The whole idea of this model is that you try things
ONE STEP AT A TIME, slowly going from the personal and intimate, to
involving other parts of society in your relationship.

Now, let's look at three events.  First, the point of starting to
live together.  This requires maturity in the relationship; it may
take years to feel that it's the right time and that you're ready
for it.  But at this point the relationship is still confirming
itself; you don't know in advance what it will be like to live with
this person, over time.  This arrangement has an economic side too,
but it generally only involves your personal economies in a time
scale of months to a few years (i.e splitting rent).

Second, let's look at marriage as a celebration in which you involve
your friends, families, acquaintances, village, etc.  At this point
you're telling all of these people that this is "serious", and that
they should consider your partner whenever they think of you.  If
you're religious, this is also the time when you're putting God (or
Vishnu, or Guru Padmasambhava, or your deity of choice) as a witness
of your union.  Which doesn't mean it's "forever", since that is
ruled out in this model; it just means that you're really honest and
quite sure about it.

Thirdly, there is the point where you sign marriage papers, which is
a way of telling your government that, for tax and all purposes, you
are a economic unit.  This is where the failure mode for the unit
becomes really complicated, with the need for legal divorce, and
long-term consequences like alimony.

It seems really obvious to me that, described in this way, these
three events are a logical progression from the most individual to
the most external, and that there is a world of difference in
commitment between the first and the second.

Which means that getting married before you live together is just a
holdover from the traditional model, and makes no more sense than
getting married before you have sex.

For extra "modernity" points, I'd advocate doing a "social marriage"
type of ceremony, without signing the legal papers, whenever you
feel that it's the right time for that.  At some point later, the
time may come when you actually want to be legally tied, and/or have
kids.

Bad advice to me. (none / 1) (#471)
by firefox on Sat Apr 29, 2006 at 01:21:13 PM EST

Of coarse, I come from a ridiculously poor background, and spent my entire early life studying philosophy, history, biology, and myself. Your advice seems WAY too "yuppie" though. Sure there is some decent, although obvious stuff in there, and I'm mostly taking issue with the marriage/children bit, it just seems designed for malevolent subversion though.

You have your entire BASIS of life as happiness I can tell, but who's to say THAT is wise, or that YOU won't deeply regret that tact whence you are an octagenarian? I've only ever gotten bad things by following happiness, I now follow my DNA and my plans for the future and things actually WORK. And that involves being mature, often unhappy and burdened, but stocked with children, wealthy and powerful, a real man.

Just a different perspective, perhaps less nihilistic.

i'd rather support the beer companies (none / 0) (#486)
by GotoHospital on Sun Apr 30, 2006 at 03:42:17 PM EST

than support criminals.

"Domestically produced marijuana is also available in New Hampshire, though not as readily in recent years."
http://parentingteens.about.com/library/sp/drugs/bl-marijuana-newhampshire.htm
nested¢ evolution is still interesting. talk.origins faq.
good adice (none / 0) (#561)
by noOo on Thu May 04, 2006 at 02:07:36 PM EST

but pot > brain cells

Weed head (none / 1) (#697)
by The Real Lord Kano on Fri May 12, 2006 at 03:14:09 AM EST

All drug users fall into this type of thinking.

Potheads say "Well, at least I'm not an alcoholic."
Alcoholics say "Well, at least I don't use cocaine."
Cocaine sniffers say "Well, at least I don't use heroin."
Heroin junkies say "Well, I sniff it but at least I don't shoot up."
Really bad junkies say "Yeah, I shoot up but at least I don't smoke crack."
Crackheads say "Yeah, but at least I don't pop pills."
Pill poppers say "Well, at least I don't smoke dope. I use medicines to get high."

The fact is that all of it is bad for you, some in any amount and others only if taken in excess.

When I was younger, I used to smoke weed. It was fun; but when it stopped being fun, I stopped smoking it.

Some people can't handle intoxicants. I'll be the first to admit that I can be an annoying drunk, but I'm never an angry or a hostile drunk.

Weed is not harmless. I know people who have willingly passed up on higher paying jobs because a pre-employment drug test was a part of the package. That's lunacy.

I think that better advice is "Don't let your vices control your life."

LK

Holy ...! Over 700 comments! (none / 0) (#703)
by internetslacker on Thu Jul 06, 2006 at 03:49:31 PM EST

Geez, do I get a kuro5hin Oscar award or something?

www.internetslacker.com www.internetslacker.net www.internetslacker.org

My Advice For The Young Guys, or, Here's Hoping You Don't Screw Up Like I Did | 703 comments (649 topical, 54 editorial, 14 hidden)
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