This is a difficult topic for many. If you cannot productively participate in this discussion, please leave it alone for those who can. Thank you.
Still reading? Ok.
With today's protracted moral outrage - building up over the last 30 years to the point of national hysteria - I thought it may be interesting to open a discussion on the topic. Anything's game; anything goes.
It's funny because there seems to have been a rash of think-of-the-children stories on a number of blogs and news sites. I read comments which rant and ramble about "them." How "they" are sick, need therapy, castration, execution, and (occasionally) sympathy. It both amuses and depresses me. On the one hand, I appreciate that people can form strong opinions over arbitrary things (swearing, an invisible man in the sky, having an orgasm). But on the other, it's remarkable how destructive these opinions can be, taken to the extreme.
What surprises me is that in these days of Internet anonymity, very few of "us" respond in turn.
I know, statistically speaking, that I'm not alone. If you have ever used an online usenet picture aggregator, you may have noticed that the groups which generate the most image views (for those that record it) are almost always the young-girl groups, whose subject matter is typically: girls from age 9-12, in their underwear, or less.
These groups consistently beat out the teen erotica groups, and those in turn beat out the "standard" erotica groups, by a wide margin. As of this writing, both of the two popular "young girl" groups (on one particular aggregator) have over a million picture views over the last couple weeks - by registered, paying members. And this is one non-anonymous site. Bear in mind that they all have a strict anti-child-porn regulation (which they enforce by deleting/blocking CP images), and that they have hundreds of thousands of subscribers. These are not seedy backwater sites.
A quick check on any major usenet, freenet, or even web search log, produces similar results.
There are a couple research studies (though procuring funding for one is extremely difficult due to the charged nature of the subject) which have noted that attraction to prepubescent females is common. One is here:
http://www.ipce.info/ipceweb/Library/97-048_article.html
The test was conducted using an errection test aparatus, and slides of naked women, and the next day naked 10 year old girls, were shown to the test subjects.
It notes that, of the some 80 test subjects, "twenty-six subjects exhibited sexual arousal to the child slides that equaled or exceeded their arousal to the adult slides."
The other, a study done in the UK, has been buried and I cannot find it anymore. If someone has a link, feel free to post it.
So, here I am - knowing full well that I'm not alone. And yet, so few of us even take the time to respond anonymously to these self-righteous asshats who rant and ramble about how they would like to murder or castrate us.
In any event, let me introduce myself, and tell my story. If you have a question you've been burning to ask, now is your chance.
I am a paedophile. Yes, the "worst kind." Not an ephibophile - I contend that virtually every red blooded male alive today is an ephibophile (or a liar).
I am attracted emotionally, and (here's the rub) sexually to young girls. How young? 10.. 11.
While I am lucky in that it's not to the exclusion of women my age, it is also not a passing phase and it is not something I try to ignore.
I've felt the way I do for as far back as I can remember. My first sexual experience (to confirm the suspicions) was at age 9. I had a crush on two girls (twins) in grade 5, and one day they decided they'd meet me at a tree fort that my father had built. We "experimented" (strip poker, making out, and fellacio) for several weeks, and eventually lost interest.
A while later, I had (to the best of my ability) sexual intercourse with my babysitter. I don't remember how old she was, but she was a teenager. I was quite mature for my age (10), and it was a wonderful experience.
When my mom found out, however... it was not quite as wonderful. She threatened to have her charged, and I threatened kill myself if she did. Eventually she lost interest, but it was years before I saw my babysitter again.
Throughout my teenaged years, I knew something was different. While boys my age were attracted to the mature, voluptuous and sluttly looking magazine women, I was not. I was still attracted mainly to the grade 7 and 8 girls.
I went through a period of self-loathing in grade 11. It was terrible. Everyone wants to fit in, and in this regard, I certainly did not. Eventually I came to realize that no matter what one does or believes in, someone will be offended. We can't please everyone. The best we can do is be honest with ourselves.
Later that year, a new family moved next door. Their daughter was 11. She used to come to play with my sister (who was her age), and after a few months, was spending more time hanging around me than her.
My mother would always try to intervene and tell her to "leave me alone." This drove her nuts. For a few weeks, she would bring over her homework and we'd lie in bed and work on it. One day, when my family was gone at a wedding, she came over, and we had sex.
This went on for months - waiting for opportunities where we could both sneak out to the (now creaky) tree fort, or when our families would be gone for some predictable amount of time. Eventually people began to realize what was going on. Some accepted it, but most did not. We had to "cool it off" for a while.
So flash forward to today.
She is 19. A month and 3 days ago, I proposed to her. She accepted. In a year, we will be married.
She is comfortable with my "condition," and in fact shares it (though to a lesser extent). Porn nights are a very interesting experience.
I recognize that to a devout Christian, we are both going to hell. We've agreed to cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, we're living our lives.
So - that's it. One person's story.
Do you have a question you'd like to ask? Here is a quick FAQ to keep the signal-to-noise ratio up:
Q: What do you mean "emotional attraction?"
A: This may seem ridiculous to you, but it's the best way I can explain it. I don't see girls as property or stupid annoying little "kids." Sure, some girls are pretty dumb. More generally, some people are pretty dumb. But all of the girlfriends I've had over the years have been very intelligent (if sometimes naive), interesting people who I, at the time, fell in love with.
That is, I just liked to be with them, and talk to them. I felt bad when we were apart. Eventually I married one. If you've never talked WITH a young person (as opposed to TO a young person), you won't understand. It takes a lot of time before they "drop their guard" (we're friends.. I don't tell you what to do) but if you're honest, it can become a wonderful relationship. Hint: they're not stupid. Yes, they're usually inexperienced. But talk to them like they're stupid, and they'll react in turn. They play "kid" as well as we play "adult."
Q: You're going to burn in hell. I want to kill you. Die!
A: Ok. If you took your own religion seriously, you wouldn't want to kill me. So you're a hypocrite. Reevaluate your priorities in life.
Q: I was raped when I was younger, and I blame it on you.
A: I'm sorry you went through that. I hope you can heal. Rape is one of the most inhumane acts that can happen. However, our society has a twisted way of equating sex with rape. Just because YOU don't approve of sex between people, does NOT mean they're raping each other. So please don't blame me. It isn't fair.
Q: Kids don't have the mental capacity blah blah blah.
A: Neither do most adults (yes I've had several adult gfs).
Q: Where do you live? What's your IP?
A: In the US. I wish things were different, and I wish I could be more specific. I wish I didn't have to mask my IP address and set up anonymous email accounts. Unfortunately, however, there are too many dangerous people out there who are unable to control their emotions and have a "strong moral composition." Call my crazy, but I think my fiance might get upset if you protected her by killing or jailing me.
Q: You have no morals! Why don't you have any morals?
A: You're right - I have no morals. With each and every action I take, I simply take a do-unto-others approach. Am I hurting someone by doing this? When I think of so-called morals, I think of the twisted justifications for war, throwing witches down wells, and stoning teenaged girls for illegal sex. No thanks; I'll make up my own mind on the issues. And by the way - it wasn't always this way (fear of sex is a new phenominon), and it's not this way in every country. Gain some perspective.
Q: But you're hurting your partners!
A: Isn't it a little arrogant of you to assume that someone who you don't know and have never met - someone you know NOTHING about - is incapable of deciding for herself whether or not she's being hurt?
Q: I think you should see a psychologist.
A: I've long passed the point where this issue was causing me mental anguish, and as such feel no need to discuss it with a psychologist. My fiance concurs. :)
Q: Are you new to k5?
A: No. Many of you know me under a different nym. Can you guess who I am? :) In all seriousness, please do not accuse anyone of being me. The accusation can be devastating, and very few guesses would be right. Let's not start a witch-hunt.
Q: What does the future hold?
A: Global warming, world war 3, and an asteroid striking the earth. Hopefully before then, our species will take a step back and realize how ridiculous it is to hate sex and love, and love hate and violence. We can dream.
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One last plea. Please, TRY not to turn this into a giant flamewar. If you can't help it, and you MUST post some bile, please keep it short and to the point. If you're uncomfortable voting on this story, don't vote.
If you're writing words of understanding, support or comiseration, I urge you to consider using an alternate account. I've seen first-hand what can happen to someone accused of "supporting the pedos."
Rusty, if this topic is illegal to discuss (you'd know better than me, and free speech only goes so far), or inappropriate kuro5hin, please freeze my account. I won't take it as an insult; I know your hands may be tied.
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