I have found the perfect woman || kuro5hin.org


	create account \| help/FAQ \| contact \| links \| search \| IRC \| site news

Everything

We need your support: buy an ad | premium membership

I have found the perfect woman

By MotorMachineMercenary in MotorMachineMercenary's Diary
Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 01:48:46 PM EST
Tags: muh dick, muh bitches, Desperate Housewives (all tags)

Her name is Bree van de Camp, played by Marcia Cross (large image) in Desperate Housewives. She has perfect skin, perfect hair, perfect manners, perfect body, perfect catty smile and ages perfectly (as far as that's possible). She will do anything to ensure her family is well-fed, taken care of and loved. And she owns several guns.

On the other hand, Eva Longoria's character is the epitome of what's wrong with western bitches. She should be quartered.
Now to find someone who's as startlingly able as Mrs van de Camp in real life. I think I'll introduce Desperate Housewives into my first-date routine to gauge who she identifies with the most.
In other news, I didn't sleep with her.

Sponsors

Managed Hosting
VoxCAST Content Delivery
Raw Infrastructure

Poll

I'd rather marry the CHARACTER

Bree van de Camp (Marcia Cross) 45%

Susan Mayer (Teri Hatcher) 18%

Gabrielle Solis (Eva Longoria) 18%

Lynette Scavo (Felicity Huffman) 0%

Edie Britt (Nicollette Sheridan) 0%

Julie Mayer (Andrea Bowen) 18%

Votes: 11
Results | Other Polls

I have found the perfect woman | 27 comments (27 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)

I bet your perfect woman has a dick (3.00 / 9) (#1)
by The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 01:52:15 PM EST

DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

___
I'm a pompous windbag, I take myself far too seriously, and I single-handedly messed up K5 by causing the fiction section to be created. --localroger

Ok, Mr The Vast Cock Ring Conspiracy /nt by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 01:57:36 PM EST (none / 0)

YFI by Sgt York, 11/20/2006 02:50:06 PM EST (3.00 / 5)

TITTY CONSPIRACY by cDiss, 11/20/2006 03:10:10 PM EST (none / 1)
Wrong by Orion Blastar Again, 11/20/2006 05:10:58 PM EST (none / 0)

shut up before i rape you [nt] (2.27 / 11) (#2)
by Aurochs on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 01:54:54 PM EST

--
you're a worthless cocknozzle no matter who or what you post about or pay attention to. shut the fuck up.
-- i knew i could count on cDiss to 3 this [nt] by Aurochs, 11/20/2006 03:14:03 PM EST (3.00 / 3)

You watch DH? Gay. (3.00 / 3) (#3)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 01:57:14 PM EST

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

I'm secure in my heterosexuality to watch it by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 01:59:07 PM EST (2.00 / 2)

Only a faggit would say that by Egil Skallagrimson, 11/20/2006 02:02:58 PM EST (3.00 / 4)

IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE. NO YUO. IHBT. HAND. /nt by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 02:05:09 PM EST (none / 1)

ror stepford wife <nt> (none / 1) (#8)
by The Diary Section on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 02:25:17 PM EST

Spend 10 minutes in the company of an American and you end up feeling like a Keats or a Shelley: Thin, brilliant, suave, and desperate for industrial-scale quantities of opium.

She looks... (3.00 / 4) (#9)
by nate s on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 02:25:20 PM EST

...like someone has punctured the back of her skull with a vacuum cleaner hose with which they sucked out her brain and stretched her skin over her face like a bad taxidermy job.

As I said: ages perfectly AFA that's possible € by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 03:35:00 PM EST (none / 1)

Well, to be honest by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 03:41:34 PM EST (none / 0)

I was aiming for... by nate s, 11/20/2006 04:13:48 PM EST (none / 1)
wrinkles by hesk, 11/20/2006 04:22:53 PM EST (none / 1)

ofc, but her skin is still unreal esp for her age€ by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 04:31:05 PM EST (none / 0)

You are becoming as boring as Lemon Juice. $ (3.00 / 5) (#10)
by mr strange on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 02:32:16 PM EST

(Now that's a confusing comment for newbies.)

_{intrigued by your idea that fascism is feminine - livus}

Newbie says... by NoControl, 11/20/2006 03:29:15 PM EST (3.00 / 2)

LJ is a legend by American Virgo, 11/20/2006 03:48:34 PM EST (3.00 / 3)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 03:35:36 PM EST (3.00 / 2)

FUGLY (none / 1) (#14)
by cDiss on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 03:17:01 PM EST

MightyMaraschinoCherry fetishizes (3.00 / 2) (#15)
by Ruston Rustov on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 03:18:50 PM EST

genetic failures like red hair.

Even yuo have succumbed...!

I am disillusioned!

Take me sweet death!

I had had incurable open sores all over my feet for sixteen years. The doctors were powerless to do anything about it. I told my psychiatrist that they were psychosomatic Stigmata - the Stigmata are the wounds Jesus suffered when he was nailed to the cross. Three days later all my sores were gone. -- Michael Crawford
Maybe tomorrow. -- Michael Crawford
As soon as she has her first period, fuck your daughter. -- localroger

Perfect woman (none / 1) (#24)
by Orion Blastar Again on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 05:09:49 PM EST

but she used to be a man before the gender changing surgery took place.

Learn how to be a liberal.
I can't believe it's not Liberalism!
"Thanks for the pointers on using the internet. You're links to uncylopedia have turned my life around." -zenador

ah hahahaha you watch Desperate Housewives too? (3.00 / 3) (#26)
by the spins on Mon Nov 20, 2006 at 07:50:42 PM EST

what else do you watch, MMM? Flip This House? Extreme Makeover? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?

_ ( ) X / \ SUPPORT THE DEL GRIFFITH MODBOMBING CAMPAIGN

UFC MOTHERFUCKER, UFC /nt by MotorMachineMercenary, 11/20/2006 09:28:52 PM EST (none / 0)

I have found the perfect woman | 27 comments (27 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. The Rest © 2000 - Present Kuro5hin.org Inc.
See our legalese page for copyright policies. Please also read our Privacy Policy.
Kuro5hin.org is powered by Free Software, including Apache, Perl, and Linux, The Scoop Engine that runs this site is freely available, under the terms of the GPL.
Need some help? Email help@kuro5hin.org.
My heart's the long stairs.