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[P]
Corpse Disposal Made Simple

By LilDebbie in Science
Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 12:20:10 PM EST
Tags: Security (all tags) 		Security

*Disclaimer*  Murder is against the law. Do not commit murder. Do not construe this article as encouraging you to commit murder. This is for educational purposes only.  *Disclaimer*

Before we begin class, make sure you have the following items:

A shovel (you may also want a pick if the ground's hard)
An extra set of clothes
Antiseptic wipes
Two large tarps (preferably brown)
A bag of quicklime
A ball peen hammer (or other hammer)
A metal file
A good, sharp knife (serrated is best)
An adult diaper
Large garbage bag
Gasoline (or other accelerant)
Ammonia

Dig a grave (depending on how paranoid you are) 3-6 feet deep somewhere remote *before* you kill anyone. Leave the shovel in there with a bag of quicklime. Put a tarp over the grave and put leaves and shit over the tarp. In case you're retarded, be sure to weigh the edges of the tarp down with large rocks. So far, your only crime is trespassing and maybe conspiracy if your lawyer's incompetent.

When you kill your victim, take precautions not to drop any identifying evidence, i.e. DNA and fingerprints. You don't have to worry too much about DNA as they can't trace it back to you without you being a suspect first, and if you do everything else right, you won't be a suspect. If you do "spill" anything, use the ammonia to clean it up. Nothing fancy, a bottle of Mr. Clean will do the trick. Also, when the victim finally dies, put the diaper on them as soon as possible. Trust me on this.

Put the victim on the tarp, wrap it up, and put it in your trunk. Double check the area of the deed for evidence and clean as necessary. Drive out to roughly a kilometer away from the grave you dug earlier. Put the car someplace secluded and proceed on foot to the grave. Quietly check the area to make sure no one is there. Once you're confident you're alone, head back to the car. Put the body across your shoulders in a fireman's carry and walk back to the grave. Don't kill fat people, they're hard to carry.

Unwrap the body. It's important that you leave the body on the tarp until you actually dump it in the grave. Strip the body of all clothing and personal effects, including jewelry and any implants you may or may not be aware of. To make the corpse unidentifiable, smash out the teeth with the hammer. Use the file to remove its fingerprints. You may want to do the same with the feet, but it's not as important. If you're really paranoid, destroy the eyes as well.  Don't bother with the hair.

Take the tarp off from over the grave. Dump the body and any large pieces that may have come loose while cleaning into the grave. Sprinkle the bag of quicklime over and around the corpse. I should note that you can never use too much quicklime, but a single bag is usually sufficient. At this point, put everything but the shovel into the garbage bag. Fill the grave making sure to leave a small mound as the earth will settle. Pile leaves and shit around the mound.

Double check to make sure you didn't leave anything. Head back to the car and toss your shit in the trunk. Drive to another remote location and burn everything with the gasoline, including the gas can. Clean your trunk and burn the cleaning materials as well. Strip naked and wipe yourself down with the antiseptic. If you have a portable shower, use it. Burn your clothes. Put on the spare set that I hope to god you weren't stupid enough to keep in the trunk. If you insist on keeping the tools, clean them thoroughly before putting them back in the car, but I highly recommend you burn them too.

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Poll
If killing people is wrong,
o then I don't want to be right. 35%
o then I want to get away with it. 64%

Votes: 62
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Corpse Disposal Made Simple | 235 comments (215 topical, 20 editorial, 0 hidden)
Rex Feral Impersonation? (3.00 / 3) (#3)
by Thrasymachus on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 04:56:28 PM EST

Reminds me of Hit Man, a Technical Manual for Independent Contractors. Paladin Press only had to pay a few million because of it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: (3.00 / 5) (#6)
by Kasreyn on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 05:43:03 PM EST

Stock up on the Lil Debbie snacks and get fat so no one will kill you. Or, at least, to ensure they'll get caught because they won't be able to transport your gross carcass.


"Extenuating circumstance to be mentioned on Judgement Day:
We never asked to be born in the first place."
R.I.P. Kurt. You will be missed.
how to kill stupid k5 posters (2.53 / 15) (#9)
by hildi on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 06:25:43 PM EST

oh, please note that this is all illegal. im just trying to write a clever witty story. tee hee!

first, hack the k5 box. track down their IP. then run a couple of traceroutes on it from different shell accounts across the nation. eventually you
can figure out what city they live in.

then use some social engineering and/or hacking against their ISP to find out their real name. if its a simple telephone ISP just buy an account their, dial up, shell into the unix box, and do a 'whois' or something. otherwise like i said use social engineering. pretend to be their mother or them. use their SSN (its easy to get, you might just try googling, or call up some local  libraries or whatever and ask for a new card to be sent to you 'because youve moved out of state', or whatever. better yet go on irc and buy it from some eastern european hacker crew)

after you find out where they live, then you can hire a hitman. they run about 15 grand for a hit of this type since the offender is probably fat and lazy and sits in their room all the time and nobody will know they are gone for a few days.

oh, please note that this is all illegal. im just trying to write a clever witty story. tee hee!

Suggestion (3.00 / 6) (#10)
by jandev on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 06:27:49 PM EST

Instead of all that bother with cleaning the trunk etc, can I recommend stealing another car and torching that together with the garbage bag?

Added bonus is that the fire will be much more gratifying.


"ENGINEERS" IS NOT POSSESSIVE. IT'S A PLURAL. YOU DO NOT MOTHERFUCKING MARK A PLURAL WITH A COCKSUCKING APOSTROPHE. APOSTROPHES ARE FOR MARKING POSSESSIVES IN THIS CASE. IF YOU WEREN'T A TOTAL MORON, YOU WOULD BE SAYING SOMETHING LIKE "THE CIVIL ENGINEER'S SMALL PENIS". SEE THAT APOSTROPHE? IT'S A HAPPY APOSTROPHE. IT'S NOT BEING ABUSED BY SOME GODDAMN SHIT-FOR-BRAINS IDIOT WITH NO EDUCATION. - Nimey

Alternative: Feed it to pigs (2.40 / 10) (#13)
by hesk on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 07:10:09 PM EST

Best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. The next best thing to do is feed them to pigs. First, you got to starve the pigs for a few days. Then you gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. They go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig". BTW, -1

--
Sticking to the rules doesn't improve your safety, relying on the rules is

What about just stealing a car (3.00 / 3) (#17)
by Sesquipundalian on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 07:50:38 PM EST

and running your victim down at night (you just have to get them somewhere secluded).

Wear flat soled shoes, new jeans, a long sleeved shirt, a ball cap, and surgical gloves that you burn later if you're really paranoid (or if you tend to do this a lot).


Did you know that gullible is not actually an english word?
The quicklime is asking for trouble. (2.90 / 11) (#19)
by Polverone on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 09:10:54 PM EST

You fool! Quicklime has a powerful affinity for water. Too much dries the corpse and retards bacterial decomposition with the high pH. You want to use acid or fire if you're impatient about reducing a corpse to its molecular components.

I would also note that a judicious choice of corpse production methods will also render corpse disposal simpler and tidier. Guns and knives are simply out if you want to minimize muss and fuss.

In the US, more than 1/3 of all murders remain unsolved. If there's no obvious motive and you kill a stranger, you can surely get away with it barring major screwups. But why would anyone kill a stranger without external motivation? Crafty murder is simply far too much work for that fleeting thrill considering that the audience here has porn and potato chips available without leaving their seats.
--
It's not a just, good idea; it's the law.

Sloppy. Very sloppy. (2.83 / 12) (#22)
by forgotten on Sat Jul 23, 2005 at 11:11:27 PM EST

You neglect to mention that someone who is likely to commit murder is also likely to have committed a crime in the past, and may have DNA on record somewhere.

You neglect to mention making sure your car is in good condition: no outstanding fines, broken taillights. You don't want to be pulled over with a body in the trunk.

Finally, you also forget the golden rule of murder: 50 things you didn't think of will go wrong. Where is the contingency plan? For crissake, you don't even advise having a handgun ready in case a hiker happens upon you whilst you are digging the grave beforehand.

These flaws lead me to suspect that you are, in fact, simply a poser and not a true murderer at all.

--

Awesome! (3.00 / 9) (#35)
by elver on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 03:40:27 AM EST

Don't kill fat people, they're hard to carry.

Awesome! I am safe from your murderous rage! And people say that being overweight is dangerous. Hah!

personal responsibility (1.50 / 8) (#38)
by ccdotnet on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 01:04:25 PM EST

None of this:

*Disclaimer* Murder is against the law. Do not commit murder. Do not construe this article as encouraging you to commit murder. This is for educational purposes only. *Disclaimer*

absolves you of your responsibility for putting content like that on the web, where (if the article lives) it could be around a long, long time.

What goes around comes around, as they say.

``This is for educational purposes only'' (none / 1) (#41)
by stuaart on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 01:38:38 PM EST

... how? Explain.

Linkwhore: [Hidden stories.] Baldrtainment: Corporate concubines and Baldrson: An Introspective
Someone will try this and fail (3.00 / 6) (#48)
by coder66 on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 05:55:58 PM EST

There are too many things that can go wrong with that plan. A novice will make a mistake somewhere and get caught.

This is a much safer method, and likely only your own conscious and/or bragging drunkenly at the bar will lead to you walking the mile.

Note: If you really want to kill someone, I recommend you join the army. If you volunteer for the right things you will get the opportunity, and you will be a hero and not a sicko.

1. Take up pottery, buy a kiln to fire your work in.
2. Make some crap. Wait. Make sure you are seen using your kiln; give your crappy attempts at art to neighbors.
3. Find someone who has pissed you off. You need to be able to get close to them without suspicion.
4. Strangle them. If neccesary slip them some sleeping pills to make it easier. This will cause petechial hemmorrhaging, but we will take care of that.
5. Get the body to your kiln. This is the most dangerous part.
6. Your kiln should be in an airtight room, which no one will be around for at least a couple of hours(depending on how good of a kiln you got). Place the body in the kiln, cook for 30 minutes at 3000 degrees. This will leave you with(for an 180 pound body) about 5 pounds of calcified ash.
7. There will be smoke in the room(kilns are not meant to burn things). Ideally you have installed an air filtration system that will clear out the smoke. Otherwise prepare to take some risk as you vent the area(burned human has a distinctive smell).
8. Drive to the ocean or down the interstate, spread your ashes out.
9. Clean up your kiln room. Everything that is left is just carbon from the burning, but you don't want it to look odd that your kiln has this all over it(kilns don't normally produce carbon residue when used to fire pottery). 10. If you can't clean it competely. Turn the bricks or have a new lining standing by, depending on how your kiln is made.
11. Contemplate going to hell, or turning yourself into the authorities.

+1FP (3.00 / 6) (#49)
by destroy all monsters on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 07:51:27 PM EST

Topical (on the footheels of GTA:SA), angers the politically correct, wingnuts and the self-righteous in one blow.

Suggested specifics: Acid is much easier to use than a file for fingerprints. Also works well with eyes if need be. Some photographic supply stores carry fairly strong types of acid and when purchased with other photography supplies doesn't look suspicious.

Double up on non-latex gloves - at no time do you want to find out at the last minute you're allergic to latex. Also leaving traces of your own DNA is bad. Since most people have histories with their victims eliminating evidence that can be connected to you will be essential. Powderless is best.

Instead of a garden variety hammer, which will be slow and difficult to break the teeth, use a fiberglass handled sledgehammer. Use it repeatedly on the lower jaw. Many of the crowns will be free and can be then filed or destroyed. The fiberglass will burn nicely and there's no way of taking fingerprints or fibers off of it after the fact.

"My opinion: You're gay, a troll, a gay troll, or in serious need of antidepressants." - horny smurf to Lemon Juice

Also +1 FP (3.00 / 3) (#51)
by voodooeskimo on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 09:12:48 PM EST

Why the hell wasn't this around when I committed my murders? Damn, now I'm too old to get it right. I had to settle with killing the CSIs, too. Which meant more disposal.

You stole my diary and future story! (2.66 / 3) (#55)
by uptownpimp on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 10:06:57 PM EST

I'm writing the same fucking story! My original Idea!

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
Murder for hire (3.00 / 3) (#57)
by cdguru on Sun Jul 24, 2005 at 10:29:30 PM EST

It is a lot simpler to pay some poor low-life to kill your target. Taking reasonable precautions so the low-life knows nothing about you is much easier than trying to cover up a murder where you are personally involved.

Also, for corpse disposal please review the movie "Red Wind". The killer used a wood chipper - the large, industrial size - to get rid of the bodies of his victims. You get pieces the size of teeth out... oh, and a lot of that "red wind". If your victim really, really pissed you off you can always feed them in while alive. Legs first, of course.

Better idea (3.00 / 3) (#67)
by uptownpimp on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 12:14:58 AM EST

You think too much. The best way to rid of a decompossing archenemy or prostitute is a big city. In LA only 32 % of all murders lead to a suspect (court tv). I would simply dump it in a dumpster behind a safeway. If you kill off someone with no importance then investigators wont waste time. By the way, your not the only one who thought of the burry a body in the woods scheme, someone will eventually find the body.

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
Quite. (3.00 / 6) (#72)
by chlorus on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 03:13:27 AM EST

You could have just titled it, "How to clandestinely dispose of a large mammal", but it wouldn't have had the same ring to it.

And really, all of this can be done in the comfort of your own home, in the bathroom no less. You just need an iron stomach, a lot of chemical and a few days. You can do most of your work in the bathtub.

Grind up the teeth. Lift the toilet off the floor and drop very small parts down the hatch and off into the sewer they go. Be very careful about allowing anything to ventilate out of the room.

And of course, tell no one.

Peahippo: Coked-up internet tough guy or creepy pedophile?

Alternately, find that (2.33 / 6) (#80)
by Egil Skallagrimson on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 08:19:47 AM EST

attacking their villiage in the dead of winter and leaving the frozen corpses to rot usually absolves you of all evidence through fear of a greater power on the behalf of squirming weaklings.

----------------

Enterobacteria phage T2 is a virulent bacteriophage of the T4-like viruses genus, in the family Myoviridae. It infects E. coli and is the best known of the T-even phages. Its virion contains linear double-stranded DNA, terminally redundant and circularly permuted.

I did this story once (3.00 / 2) (#85)
by BottleRocket on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 11:49:33 AM EST

It made this topic into a powerpoint presentation for a technical communication class. It was my final project. Got an 'A' on it!

Don't neglect the watery grave. No one goes dredging through rivers or below piers unless they know what they're looking for. Be sure to use a metal anchor, as the body will swell with gas when it decomposes. Concrete shoes can release the victim if they aren't dry all the way through.

$ . . . . . $ . . . . . $ . . . . . $
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$ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . $
Yes I do download [child pornography], but I don't keep it any longer than I need to, so it can yield insight as to how to find more. --MDC
$ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . ♀ . . . . . $
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$B R Σ III$

Simpler way (3.00 / 3) (#87)
by actmodern on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 12:07:24 PM EST

If it's a white chick then dry her body in the sun, grind it up into powder and place it in jars. Go to Pin at the local Chinese Pharmacy and sell him the powder. They consider it an aphrodisiac.


--
LilDebbie challenge: produce the water sports scene from bable or stfu. It does not exist.
File = Uneccesary (3.00 / 3) (#93)
by Noexit on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 12:59:48 PM EST

Just cut off the fingertips at the first knuckle, take them with you and burn them with the other crap you're gonna be burning.* Filing the fingerprints off with a metal file isn't going to work, it'll take forever. If you're still in the mood to erase rather than remove, then use a belt sander or the like. *Remember to dig a fire pit for the materials you'll be burning and cover that over as well.

forgot step one (2.66 / 6) (#95)
by bankind on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 01:07:52 PM EST

find skanky drunk chick in Aruba.

"Insurgents are blowing up pipelines and police stations, geysers of sewage are erupting from the streets, and the electricity is off most of the time -- but we've given Iraq the gift of supply-side economics." -Krugman

You might want to check out (none / 1) (#98)
by elgardo on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 01:27:30 PM EST

The article on the same subject in a 1998 issue of Capital of Nasty.
http://www.capnasty.org/issues/3/10/579?cid=4262
Bad idea (1.00 / 2) (#105)
by uptownpimp on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 01:46:12 PM EST

boats cost too much and its just stupid. You'll be caught for sure.

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
What about burying in a cemetary? (2.75 / 4) (#108)
by rpresser on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 01:48:14 PM EST

Reverse grave robbery... dig up a grave, preferably a rather old one, shove your corpse in next to the existing one, rebury. You might have to cart away some dirt.
------------
"In terms of both hyperbolic overreaching and eventual wrongness, the Permanent [Republican] Majority has set a new, and truly difficult to beat, standard." --rusty
What about (none / 1) (#119)
by uptownpimp on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 02:43:39 PM EST

tatoos and scars? How many scars would you have to remove? just the big ones?

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
maybe NH is too (1.50 / 2) (#120)
by uptownpimp on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 02:47:47 PM EST

under the sea.

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
Whats the best chemical way (3.00 / 3) (#129)
by uptownpimp on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 03:50:23 PM EST

to eat away the flesh?

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
Kill Women (1.50 / 14) (#151)
by Xptic on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 04:50:07 PM EST

If you are going to go out of your way to kill a stranger, it should be a woman.  That way, you can rape and/or sodomize her before or after the murder.

Picking the right woman will be kinda hard.  You definately don't want a woman with kids.  Too loose to get rocks off properly.  Although, if you are into object rape, the streched opening can really take some big stuff without tearing.

A virgin would be a bad choice too.  They probably won't move right when you start and will get you all bloddy.  If you insist on a virgin, might as well get a young one.  After all, if you are caught, what's a little molestation charge on top of the murder rap.  14 to 16 would probably be the best bet for virgins.

Really what you are looking for is a newlywed couple.  Maybe up to the 4-month point.  She'll be fully primed for pumping and will move with you if for nothing else than to avoid the pain.  She'll probably have nice undies on which can be an added bonus.

To make it even sweeter, her hubby will be devistated for life.  It's like destroying two lives for the price of one.

Or just kill the hubby too.  Disable him first so that he can witness the raping.  Maybe blind him or break his arms and legs.  Cut his trousers open so she can see him get hard as he hears her being penetrated.

You can probably make her cum.  Her body's reaction is completely seperate from her heart's intentions.  With the right motion and attention to detail, she'll die feeling she's betrayed her true love by spending the last minutes of her life orgasming on another man's love tool.

Now the sticky part: disposal.  You can't get rid of her right away.  Your evidince is all inside her.  You need to give her body time to rid itself of your seed.  Maybe a week or so.  Break her jaw and then tape it shut to keep her quiet if noise is a problem.  The hard part will be to keep from raping her agian and agian.

If she gets pregnant, best to rent a boat and send her to the bottom.  Cut her into small peices and spread the love.  Synthetic pillowcases weighted with rocks and secured with wire are perfect for disposing of body parts.

You also need lots of practice.

Practice killing animals often.  Buy a cat.  Keep it for a few weeks.  Feed it and love it.  Then kill it.  Record your heartrate after.  Keep doing that till you can kill an animal you have kept for a few months with no reaction.  Try torturing it first.  If you get excited, you will make a mistake.  Use the corpses for disposal training.

Also get some larger animals.  Big dogs and the like.  Cut them up to see how long it takes and what tools you need.  Practice dislocating joints and cutting them free.  It's a lot easier than trying to hack through a femur.

Talk to women a lot.  Everywhere.  Any woman you see, talk to her.  Tell her intimate things.  Just tell a mom in the supermarket what a nice ass she has.  Tell the girl in the checkout line how nice her hair smells.  Ask her about her perfume.  Randomly tell a mom you'd like to jack off on her tits while her husband pumps her wet cunt.

Once you can do that without too much adreneline, go further.  Ask women in random places for sex.  Try touching women in public.  You want to be able to seize the moment without any rush.  If you are high on adreneline, you will make a mistake.

Make sure your practice is far away.  Seperating it by several years would be nice.  Wear a disguise.

Very few people start on murder, so try some petty crime first.  Go for low-risk stuff like car theft and/or rob a convenience store.  Maybe pickpocket or assault someone.

Remember that there is a balance between getting away and not.  You need practice, but too much petty crime will get you caught.  Then you are fucked for getting away with murder.  But without the practice, you'll hesitate at the moment of truth or make a mistake.

My personal preference (none / 1) (#161)
by cburke on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 08:14:48 PM EST

is to burke my victim.  Suffocate them -- a method that combines ease, stealth, and cleanliness in good measure -- and sell their corpse to a hospital who will do the job of disposal for you.

The downside is that you have someone else (the hospital you sell the corpse to) aware of the crime, though they obviously have an incentive to avoid close scrutiny.  It is vital that they don't know who you are.  Standard criminal exchange tactics (a la ransoms) apply.  

The upside is that you don't have to deal with most of the disposal issues yourself (adult diaper still recommended), and more to the point you can make some bank this way.

Why bother with disposing of the corpse? (3.00 / 2) (#162)
by godix on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 09:14:19 PM EST

The various methods of destorying a body are clumsy, time consuming, and in some cases just don't work well. Instead just store the body in an easily located place, like for example the trunk of someones car who hated the asshole you killed. If you want style points, cut off the head and use it as a hood ornament on their car. Sure, the cops will find it easy enough, but what are the odds they'll quite investigating the guy who owns the car long enough to trace it back to you? If you follow basic precautions, wear gloves and the like, and you'll be home free and laughing at the prick who's jailed in your place.


- An egotist is someone who thinks they're almost as good as I am.
Im bored. (3.00 / 2) (#166)
by uptownpimp on Mon Jul 25, 2005 at 11:28:31 PM EST

eat the body?

=========================
My name is actmodern and I approve of this message.
Fir Trees... (3.00 / 2) (#181)
by NSWB on Tue Jul 26, 2005 at 01:08:03 PM EST

After a storm, go out in the forest and find a big fir tree that's been up-ended.
Place body in the center of the hole.
Use your handy Stihl or Husqvarna chainsaw to cut the tree off at the base.
The root-wad will then fall back into place, conveniently covering the body.
Who will ever think of looking directly under a stump?

The google ads.. (3.00 / 6) (#189)
by Suppafly on Tue Jul 26, 2005 at 08:12:36 PM EST

for tarps and absorbant wipes are hilarious.
---
Playstation Sucks.
"Pile leaves and shit around the mound" (3.00 / 2) (#193)
by horny smurf on Wed Jul 27, 2005 at 02:16:46 AM EST

I understand the idea behind shitting (or pissing) on someone's grave, but that seems inappropriate in this case.

Fucking amateurs (none / 1) (#194)
by mirleid on Wed Jul 27, 2005 at 03:56:28 AM EST

Just take the ultimate training course

Chickens don't give milk
You forgot Rule #1... (3.00 / 2) (#196)
by ckaminski on Wed Jul 27, 2005 at 12:12:42 PM EST

have an AIRTIGHT alibi...  with about 20 people who can positively identify you, and place you "Somewhere Else" at the time of death.  Just in case.  And don't be seen with the victim at any point during that day, preferably that week, and don't call them from a phone traceable to you.

Other than that, +1FP.

All this work just to get away with murder? (3.00 / 3) (#202)
by Fredrick Doulton on Thu Jul 28, 2005 at 03:07:47 AM EST

Really, you put way too much thought into this. A simple cremation would have sufficed.

+1 FP anyway, because it will be funny to hear about the feds knocking down your door when the next rich white girl goes missing.

Bush/Cheney 2004! - "Because we've still got more people to kill"

K5 hijacked (1.00 / 5) (#204)
by mindpixel on Thu Jul 28, 2005 at 12:15:57 PM EST

My God, this place has literally gone to hell. Your mind, lildebbie, such that it is, has spent far too much time in very unsaviory neighborhoods of thought and the trolls here voted your offensive drool to publication.

I could not have predicted that K5 would so degenerate. A few years ago, it looked quite promising.

Something is wrong here with the voting system and it needs to be fixed.

mindpixel: STFU (3.00 / 3) (#215)
by alexboko on Thu Jul 28, 2005 at 02:58:33 PM EST

K5 trolls are bad enough, but at least they know they're full of it and are occasionally funny.


Godwin's Law of video games: if a company is out of ideas for a long enough period, they will eventually publish another World War II shooter.
Thief! (none / 0) (#220)
by codejack on Thu Jul 28, 2005 at 11:33:51 PM EST

This is a total ripoff of my Dirt! story. You could have at least given me a link!


Please read before posting.
Zonk! (none / 1) (#225)
by psychologist on Sat Jul 30, 2005 at 06:15:11 AM EST

If you use a car at the murder scene, you will be found. In a given city, there are only so many of a certain type of car. Your tire treads will give away your likely car model. If you are in any way connected to the victim, you will be found.

Also, NEVER ever bury your victim whole. For some reason, there are ALWAYS people who notice someone burying something. You should always disolve the victim. This has the advantage that if the body is not found, you cannot be caught. However, be very careful as to the quantities of acid you buy, that can also be traced.

Never shoot your victim. Always use a strong sleeping pill, and finish it up by choking the person to death with a plastic bag. Remember, there are ALWAYS particles from your body in her bag/shoes/clothes, so you do no throw those away. You also have to dissolve them, then put them in a garbage bag.

Also remember this: You will NOT be able to cut your victim in any way. It may seem like a nice thought now, but you will be UNABLE to pull the teeth with a wrench, or use a saw to cut open the victim. So do not expect to be able to do this.

Do not buy a gun. A person who buys a gun is a person with a secret.

Never arrange to meet the person somewhere. Odds are that she will tell someone. Ideally, you have to stumble across the person in town. You have to make sure that there is nobody around when you do this. This is the most difficult part, but I'll give you one hint: Bicycles.

Corpse Disposal Made Simple | 235 comments (215 topical, 20 editorial, 0 hidden)
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