Kuro5hin.org: technology and culture, from the trenches
create account | help/FAQ | contact | links | search | IRC | site news
[ Everything | Diaries | Technology | Science | Culture | Politics | Media | News | Internet | Op-Ed | Fiction | Meta | MLP ]
We need your support: buy an ad | premium membership

[P]
HOW TO: Make Your Farts Smell Like Mints

By Jason the Mathematical Solo Guitarist in Jason the Mathematical Solo Guitarist's Diary
Sun Dec 05, 2004 at 11:24:57 PM EST
Tags: User Diary (all tags)
User Diary

Farting in social situations is considered to be rude in modern culture. While most Americans are fairly adept at "ripping" quiet ones, the subsequent lingering smell will surely give away that someone farted, leaving a few moments of awkwardness. In this article, I demonstrate a self-tested technique on how to make your farts smell like mints which eliminate this problem.

Once completing this program, you will be able to quietly fart in public, while those around you enjoy the crisp minty odor of your anus.


To complete this task, you need:
  • A turkey baster
  • A bowl of warm water - 8-12 fluid ounces should suffice
  • Something that tastes minty. I recommend the white tic-tacs since they are small and strong. Those (relatively) large discular mints you get at restaurants would also work.
I recommend doing this in the shower, as you tend to get water everywhere and frankly that can get messy. Using the turkey baster, insert as much of the 8-12 fluid ounces of water into your anus as possible. To accomplish this, you'll want to bend over in the homosexual "receiving" position, bring the tip of the baster just inside your anus, and empty its contents. Hopefully, the temperature is just right. Cold water can be quite painful as can warm water.

Now hold the water in your anal cavity. Take about 4-5 tic-tacs or one of the large disc-shaped mints, and, in the same position, slip it into your anus. Hold it in as long as possible. Ultimately, you want the mints to dissolve fully.

After a somewhat lengthy period of time, anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes, you may discharge the water from your anus. You will likely see little bits of the tic-tacs remaining. There is a way to get better performance though: the water in your anus serves as an analog to saliva in your mouth. When you suck on a mint, you are moving it about your mouth which helps it melt. This is difficult to replicate in the anus. Flexing the rectal muscles will surely cause accidental discharge of the water. You can try to be overactive, for example, doing jumping jacks, but I have not found this to be beneficial at all. I am researching a solution to this problem and will report back if I find one.

You'll find that you have to do this fairly often - about once in 24 hours - for your farts to continually smell like mints. This is too bothersome, so what I usually do is just "prepare" my anus before big occassions, for example a date, a dance, or any other time when I'm around females in a social setting.

Its simple, its enjoyable and its fun - and soon everyone will enjoy the smell of your farts! Give it a try right now, its easy!

Sponsors

Voxel dot net
o Managed Hosting
o VoxCAST Content Delivery
o Raw Infrastructure

Login

Related Links
o Jason the Mathematical Solo Guitarist's Diary


Display: Sort:
HOW TO: Make Your Farts Smell Like Mints | 9 comments (9 topical, editorial, 0 hidden)
+1 FP (3.00 / 2) (#1)
by trane on Sun Dec 05, 2004 at 11:36:28 PM EST

Plz post to queue kthx.

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! (3.00 / 4) (#5)
by ktakki on Mon Dec 06, 2004 at 12:57:19 AM EST

It burns! It burns!


k.
--
"In spite of everything, I still believe that people
are really good at heart." - Anne Frank

Rectal Tic-Tacs make me cry. (3.00 / 4) (#6)
by The Baby Jesus on Mon Dec 06, 2004 at 04:11:32 AM EST

But they're probably not as bad as Altoids.

this is so gay (3.00 / 3) (#7)
by noogie on Mon Dec 06, 2004 at 04:33:30 AM EST




*** ANONYMIZED BY THE EVIL KUROFIVEHIN MILITARY JUNTA ***
What are the chances! (none / 0) (#8)
by parasite on Mon Dec 06, 2004 at 06:11:25 AM EST

I had no idea you just posted this, when I posted mine! This should be a national fart holiday or something seeing the huge coincidence!

gaseous rectal excreations in public and private (Diaries)
http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2004/12/6/52928/9552


HOW TO: Make Your Farts Smell Like Mints | 9 comments (9 topical, 0 editorial, 0 hidden)
Display: Sort:

kuro5hin.org

[XML]
All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective companies. The Rest © 2000 - Present Kuro5hin.org Inc.
See our legalese page for copyright policies. Please also read our Privacy Policy.
Kuro5hin.org is powered by Free Software, including Apache, Perl, and Linux, The Scoop Engine that runs this site is freely available, under the terms of the GPL.
Need some help? Email help@kuro5hin.org.
My heart's the long stairs.

Powered by Scoop create account | help/FAQ | mission | links | search | IRC | YOU choose the stories!