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8==D Misleading Emoticons ( . )( . )

By theboz in Culture
Sat May 11, 2002 at 02:13:06 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)
Humour

The emoticon is a new form of communication invented on the internet in order to give people a way to make facial expressions on the internet. Most of these expressions consists of things like smiley faces such as :-) and ^-^. However, occasionally people like to get more creative, such as adding a cowboy hat to the smiley as c):-). Sometimes though, these faces become someting profane, purely by mistake.


8===D
The first one started out as a normal smiley :-). You can modify it slightly, to be a laughing smiley instead :-D. From there, maybe you want to add bulging eyes 8-D. Then you think to yourself, "Hey me, it would be funny to have a monkey emoticon!" so you add the wide nose common to monkeys 8=D. Still, you think it doesn't look right, because monkey faces are longer than humans, so you extend the nose. 8==D Congratulations, you now accidentally created an ascii phallus.

( o )( o )
Another easy mistake is to try and create something a little more artistic. The standard smiley just isn't big enough for you. You decide that you want to make a huge multi-line smiley. So you start with the obvious place, the top. Here you create the eyes, which also can be read to be breasts ( o )( o ) It can be taken further though, because you think the pupils are too big ( . )( . ). This is a different nipple size, but can still be interpreted as breasts.

(_|_)
Perhaps you are more creative yet and want to make a sleeping emoticon with shut eyes. You could simply close the eyes by removing the pupils and moving the eyes closer like ( | ) or by doing the same and adding eyelids like (_|_). Still, you can position the sleeping eyes around for the direction the emoticon will be facing. Your options are mostly (_(_) (_|_) (_)_) which can also be misunderstood as "shake that ass."

Clearly something must be done to prevent the abuse of innocent things like 8===D to have their innocence stolen and exposed to the perverts. We all like to use our (_|_)'s when we get on the internet, it's just part of what we do. Everyone is happy when we see a friend's ( . )( . ). We have to find ways to protect our 8===D, cover our (_|_), and hold tightly onto our ( . )( . ). If we can have as firm a grip on our 8===D as we do in reality, then we can find a true stroke of happiness.

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Poll
Your favorite innocent emoticon
o 8===D 7%
o ( o )( o ) 11%
o ( . )( . ) 20%
o (_|_) 6%
o (_(_) 3%
o (_)_) 2%
o 8===D -o O-: 47%

Votes: 376
Results | Other Polls

Related Links
o Also by theboz


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8==D Misleading Emoticons ( . )( . ) | 107 comments (84 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
ascii phallus (3.06 / 15) (#4)
by wiredog on Fri May 10, 2002 at 12:27:28 PM EST

That's worth a +1 section.

Peoples Front To Reunite Gondwanaland: "Stop the Laurasian Separatist Movement!"
Then there is ... (4.11 / 42) (#9)
by raaymoose on Fri May 10, 2002 at 12:29:28 PM EST

(_O_)

It's the 5-character representation of the goatse.cx guy.


Way to go (2.88 / 17) (#13)
by streetliar on Fri May 10, 2002 at 12:57:18 PM EST

  oo
  {_}
(.)(.)
  ||
  ||
  ||
(_)====D

This is a shemale with a long thin dick.
 

th3e boz this rulezs (3.20 / 10) (#14)
by turmeric on Fri May 10, 2002 at 01:01:12 PM EST

i had never thought that 8==D might be a smiley face. very interesting article, very well written and clever.

try to write a Haiku in emoticons (3.11 / 9) (#17)
by mami on Fri May 10, 2002 at 01:17:02 PM EST

winner is who can translate it to mami without making her blush.

Emoticons are /so/ passé (nt) (2.20 / 10) (#19)
by SharQ on Fri May 10, 2002 at 01:22:45 PM EST



What I use (_|_) for (3.11 / 9) (#21)
by Tachys on Fri May 10, 2002 at 02:38:51 PM EST

You know I always thought of (_|_) as a butt.

So before I ever happen to kick someone out of a chatroom. I like to write,

Boot --> (_|_)

Any game that gets banned by the Austrailian govt can't be all bad... - Armaphine


K5 in ascii (3.29 / 17) (#22)
by streetliar on Fri May 10, 2002 at 03:05:08 PM EST

 """""""""
 ( .)"(. )   Hey there, K5ers. I'm british TomBuck
   UUU     /

 (*)|(*)   Oi, oi, K5ers, I'm geeky rusty
   \__(    /

 /ÖöÖöÖ\ / Oui. I'm the cool streetliar (with dreadlocks, aiii)
 ||#-#||
   { - }
    |||

  /\  /\
  ||  ||
  (.)(.)    magggh. I'm mrgoat.
   {  }   /
    {}

          I'm MisterQueue
   _ _    /
   q q  
    Q

o_O (3.11 / 9) (#24)
by delmoi on Fri May 10, 2002 at 03:42:25 PM EST

hrm.
--
"'argumentation' is not a word, idiot." -- thelizman
C'mon! (3.70 / 17) (#29)
by MattOly on Fri May 10, 2002 at 06:34:49 PM EST

Everyone knows that (_|_) is not a butt.

(_!_) is the proper way to do a butt.

====
A final note to...the Republican party. You do not want to get into a fight with David Letterman. ...He's simply more believable than you are.

Also take (3.11 / 9) (#31)
by moeffju on Fri May 10, 2002 at 07:12:58 PM EST

_|_ this. Thank you, now pull my finger.

Oh, and where did :-O  -- -   c===8 go?

Ah, it's in the poll. n/m. +1.

Of my... (2.57 / 7) (#38)
by locutox on Sat May 11, 2002 at 08:56:45 AM EST

You mean people interpret ( o )( o ) as breasts? Shit.
Lucky I didn't send an email like that to a relative or something..
/hides

Bravo (2.00 / 6) (#41)
by lucas on Sat May 11, 2002 at 10:53:56 AM EST

A tour de force article. +1 FP

So easy to make people think something's funny... (2.50 / 8) (#42)
by yostinso on Sat May 11, 2002 at 01:16:33 PM EST

...just add boobies.

Seriously, I've seen far funnier, more intelligent humour on here, and been peeved by the crop who vote "-1, not funny because I don't understand it."
The next time I see someone vote down a funny article, I'm checking their response here...

OTOH, this is pretty amusing, so +1 Section.
--E.O.

I fight for truth. I fight for glory. I fight for love. I fight for beauty. I am Hero.
what about (2.87 / 8) (#43)
by Kaptein nemo on Sat May 11, 2002 at 01:32:19 PM EST

(y)

penis bird? (3.47 / 17) (#45)
by egg troll on Sat May 11, 2002 at 03:02:49 PM EST

 < )
 ( \
  X
8====D

He's a bondage fan, a gastronome, a sensualist
Unparalleled for sinister lasciviousness.

Historical Emoticons (4.30 / 13) (#46)
by quasipalm on Sat May 11, 2002 at 03:13:43 PM EST

Google has the first reference (it's sort of a proposal actually) to emoticons on Usenet. Back in 1982, Mel Pleasant listed out some now-obvious and some still-arcane ascii arrangements:

"If you turn your head sideways to look at the three characters :-) they look sort of like a smiling face."

"If they say "I need to talk to you :-(", be prepared for trouble."

(:-) for messages dealing with bicycle helmets
@= for messages dealing with nuclear war
oo for somebody's head-lights are on messages
~= a candle, to annotate flaming messages

My favorite quote is "So you see, bit-map displays are really quite unnecessary."

He credits Scott Fahlman for creating the smilely and frowny faces, perhaps we should credit him by calling them "Fahlack symbols?" Er, I guess that sounds too much like Phallack symbols... which of course needs to be reserved for 8===D

(hi)
That's it... (3.08 / 25) (#47)
by faecal on Sat May 11, 2002 at 03:34:54 PM EST

If this 'article' made it to the front page, kuro5hin is out of my bookmarks for good...

You forgot Marge Simpson (3.46 / 15) (#49)
by 8ctavIan on Sat May 11, 2002 at 03:53:45 PM EST

@@@@@@@:-)

Just imagine the blue


Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. -- H.L. Mencken

Haskell documentation (3.60 / 5) (#53)
by PurpleBob on Sat May 11, 2002 at 05:17:18 PM EST

So - and this may seem incredibly off-topic at first - at one point I read through some online documentation for Haskell.

Eventually, they introduced the unevaluatable value, which they called "bottom" for no apparent reason.

Then they started abbreviating it as "bot" or, more frequently, as "_|_".

Which led to a couple explanatory statements where they called it "bottom (_|_)".

WTF? Was the _|_ symbol specifically chosen for that bad visual joke? Or do the documentation writers not even realize what their symbol looks like?

denose your emoticons (2.57 / 7) (#56)
by rebug on Sat May 11, 2002 at 05:38:24 PM EST

http://sourceforge.net/projects/denoser/

It's not my project or anything, I just think it's some great software.

That last paragraph... (2.50 / 6) (#57)
by sixfoot6 on Sat May 11, 2002 at 06:16:08 PM EST

was funny as hell. It reminds me of reading lessons from early elementary school, that combined images with text to help tead new words. Modernized here with a great emoticon twist. I shall surely use this story to teach my chldren to read, if they ever let me have children

Here's my favorite... (2.20 / 5) (#61)
by Lethyos on Sat May 11, 2002 at 08:48:26 PM EST

(_)_)=====D ~o ~o ({o})

Which can also look like...

(_)_)===})

earth, my body; water, my blood; air, my breath; fire, my spirit
My favorites... (3.50 / 4) (#65)
by Mzilikazi on Sun May 12, 2002 at 12:18:23 AM EST

With all the assicons, who could forget the painful ass?
( * )

Or the Frenchman (or Beat-era poet), complete with beret, mustache and beard...
`(:{>

And my personal, all-time favorite, rarely ever seen, the Pope.
<+:)

Back in 1994, playing on MUDs and MOOs with my kick-ass 2400 baud modem, I thought these were *really* clever. :) Any Chiba Sprawl veterans out there?

Cheers,
Mzilikazi

deboner (2.33 / 6) (#66)
by tps12 on Sun May 12, 2002 at 12:35:13 AM EST

This is tangentially related...

I have a project at http://denoser.sourceforge.net that is a program designed to remove noses from smileys/emoticons.

There is a requested feature that is removal of the "boner" smiley ( --8 ). So the offensive and bloated

:-O  --8

becomes the reasonable

:O

Just thought you'd want to know. Volunteers welcome.

Hi :):):) (2.90 / 11) (#71)
by tokage on Sun May 12, 2002 at 12:55:06 AM EST

I had hoped the AOL-esque mystery of emoticons would be beneath the average k5 reader's interest, but apparently I was wrong. Don't get me wrong, emoticons are a very important part of the CYBER CULTURE, part of the impenetrable mystery of GEEKS. Wise use of an interesting emoticon displays your status in the herd; a well crafted emoticon could result in an INTERESTING CONVERSATION on AOL about kittens!!!! You could exchange the location of your banal blogs, where you list your daily activities in an excruciatingly detailed manner, complete with pictures of said kitten.

Yes, indeed. The beauty that is an emoticon. I think that we should dedicate a section of k5 to discussion of emoticons, so we can bring this INTERNET PHENOMENA to the eyes of the WWW USERS. Oh, those quirky INTERNET SURFERS. Just beware of the CYBERHACKER emoticon; they can download an INTERNET VIRUS straight to your WINDOWS XP and send a copy of all your kitten pictures to everyone in your outlook addressbook.

I hope my emoticon primer has been useful, CYBARBUDDIES. I will now proceed to add you all to my INTERNET BUDDY LIST, where they have graphical emoticons!!!! Oh, I wish the blink tag still worked!!!! That was such an expressive, happy tag. :):):):):):):)

Remember, a }:-) costs nothing but gives so much!!!! Also, when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!!!! When life hands you lemons, make lemonade!!!!

Pretending there is something left

is like pretending there was anything at all. - Angela Smith
Invented on the Internet? (2.20 / 5) (#72)
by mindstrm on Sun May 12, 2002 at 02:37:07 AM EST

I don't think so.  I seem to recall seeing smileys a long, long time ago.

Maybe invented on usenet.. I forget how far back usenet goes.
Usenet or the early BBS world.

Certainly pre-internet.


German smilies (2.20 / 5) (#76)
by Kurtz on Sun May 12, 2002 at 10:41:11 AM EST

pre-1942: /:=) post-1942. /:=(

ASCII art (none / 0) (#82)
by rodoke3 on Sun May 12, 2002 at 08:27:20 PM EST

Congratulations, you now accidentally created an ascii phallus.

I wonder, should we keep calling it "ASCII art" after new character sets such as Unicode are taking over some of ASCII's use?


I take umbrage with such statments and am induced to pull out archaic and over pompous words to refute such insipid vitriol. -- kerinsky


TXT BK ON NET (none / 0) (#85)
by robroadie on Mon May 13, 2002 at 03:31:01 AM EST

There's a number of these books flying around at the mo...here's one...and here's another

Smart publishers - dumb consumers

...emoticons... (none / 0) (#86)
by WWWWolf on Mon May 13, 2002 at 05:47:35 AM EST

This is a wolf tail: ~
And I wag the tail: /|\
This is a hand (seen from above): n
Someone trying to grab a wolf tail: ñ

I know, stupid =)

-- Weyfour WWWWolf, a lupine technomancer from the cold north...


(o )( o ) (none / 0) (#89)
by reward on Mon May 13, 2002 at 10:24:07 AM EST

These are eyes?? They were always breasts in the lesbian chats that I knew! (o)(o) Ah, beauty ! :P Ummm.... (.)(.)

Not lewd... (5.00 / 1) (#95)
by Ars Moriendi on Mon May 13, 2002 at 03:27:03 PM EST

This story is total

\m/ METAL \m/

The "I don't want to hear it" japanese s (none / 0) (#101)
by stud9920 on Tue May 14, 2002 at 07:21:14 AM EST

3-(~_~)-€ lalalalalala

Linux Zealot fan fiction. Post yours !
ASCII Poem (4.50 / 2) (#102)
by Euan Fernsler on Tue May 14, 2002 at 04:53:42 PM EST

Simply saying 'Hi, I'm happy' isn't enough:

<> ! * ' ' #
^ " ` $ $ -
! * = @ $ _
% * <> ~ # 4
& [ ] . . /
| { , , system halted

<Translation>
waka waka bang splat tick tick hash
caret quote back-tick dollar dollar dash
bang splat equal at dollar under-score
percent splat waka waka tilda number four
ampersand bracket bracket dot dot slash
vertical-bar curly-bracket comma comma crash
</Translation>

-Euan

hmmm (none / 0) (#103)
by codespace on Tue May 14, 2002 at 07:15:09 PM EST

( . Y . ) or (_Y_)

_____
today on how it's made: kitchen knives, mannequins, socks and hypodermic needles.
8==D Misleading Emoticons ( . )( . ) | 107 comments (84 topical, 23 editorial, 0 hidden)
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