Billions and Billions in Servitude By MisterQueue in Culture Sun Dec 15, 2002 at 12:55:20 PM EST Tags: Humour (all tags)
	There is a truth brewing on the horizon; one which you cannot ignore, and it is this: McDonald's encourages Fascist Police-State Regimes.

Look at this image. It contains some of the old cast and crew of the McDonalds bunch. Now, note Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac. Don't they look frighteningly similar here? It is my postulation that they are brothers, and that Mayor McCheese's darker nose here implies the only difference is in the brown-nosing done by governmental officials, whereas Officer Big Mac needs only brute force to do his duties. He's listed as a "peace officer", but I would estimate that is in the same way that "war is peace". So we have a family in power of both the legislation and enforcement of that legislation; a pseudo Oligarchy if you will, but what of the others? Well, first we have Ronald McDonald himself. He is the named after the fast food chain, and thus we must assume important to this whole fiasco. Well, because he is the central character, we must assume that he has some importance in what they are presenting. Since McDonald's has an image of "feeding the masses" or being the "working man's cheap and fast meal", it is clear that he is the everyman. For reference on how the McDonald's Corporation supports this view of being one of the masses, examine their vision: We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. Hence, Ronald represents the proletariat, always clowning and wasting time on silly hopes and desires. Being a clown, one could argue he is doing his job, but that is just how they view the proles they represent; doing merely their job and never reaching beyond. Now, how does Ronald interact with this structure? Again, the proles in this, for lack of a better term, Donaldian society are basically harmless. Though they sometimes are a nuisance to the governing body, but not so much as they have to be watched all that closely. So, if Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac (the gruesome twosome) aren't so concerned about the proles, who does concern them? Well it's obvious that there are those amongst the rabble that will not be harmless and will go against the will of the governing body. It is these types that Officer Big Mac is there to keep the "Peace" over. Originally, this was represented by both Captain Crook and the Hamburgler, but since it was redundant, and the Donaldian society would look TOO out of control with that much crime amongst the small cast of characters, they have since retired Captain Crook. So is that it then? Is one placed either in a category of Prole or Crook? No, there is another, and that is Grimace. Grimace is an interesting case. In early Donaldian theory, he was "Evil Grimace", and his specialty was nabbing milkshakes from children. Around the same time that Captain Crook was ousted, "Evil Grimace" became just Grimace. The assumption is that, again, they didn't want their idea of a perfect society to be marred by the fact that Officer Big Mac could be so corrupt as to not have control over that many in such a small community. Grimace, however, was useful to them as a symbol of the other sub-class of their community; the bourgeois. Seemingly fat and happy, the bourgeois are not interested in knowledge or progression in essence; merely the instant gratification of their wants. Grimace is fat on his lust for shakes, or as it were a glutton for the material. These are the people Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac truly try to appease, for as long as they can keep the "shakes" flowing, the bourgeois do not care what else they do. Times change though, and a corporation (being a separate entity from its owners as it's considered in this country) has to change slightly with it in order to prosper. So we move into more Politically correct times, and it's much harder to feed the masses a Donaldian police state by the time the late 1980's roll around. So they decide to suddenly drop BOTH Mayor McCheese and Officer Big Mac from the front line-up. Interesting don't you think? Well, this site inquired as to the whereabouts of Mayor McCheese, and I can only assume it holds true for his brother as well. Here is the response they received: "You may be interested to know that Mayor McCheese is alive and well and still presiding over McDonaldland. You may not see him as often because he stepped aside for awhile so that Ronald McDonald could introduce some of his newer friends ... Keep your eyes out, though... you never know when he might make another appearance. In the meantime, he sends a big "hello" to you, and hopes to see you back at his favorite restaurant -- McDonald's!" This situation is sort of eerie if one thinks of it. Suddenly Mayor McCheese is behind the scenes; "still presiding" and yet has "stepped aside". You never know when he might make another appearance? Is he watching from the shadows then? Officer Big Brother and Mayor McLenin indeed. I think this subterfuge has worked though, as a very sad few remember any of the original line-up. They haven't stopped on their need to push forward with their ideals though, as they had one more important introduction. Boys clubs were decidedly illegal by the early 90's as they were put to a vote by the Supreme Court, and it was pretty obvious that up to that point the representation of a perfect Donaldian society was entirely male dominated. What they needed was some way to introduce a main female character so they could seem innocuous and yet still maintain their image of perfection. Enter Birdie. Birdie is the ultimate in female existence to the prime Donaldian theorist. Birdie has no power or influence over McDonaldland, yet she is the only one who can fly. On the surface, this looks to be an advantage, but in reality it is a metaphor for women not being "grounded" enough in the everyday to affect or control anything in their surroundings. Her head is as vacuous as her influence is, and sadly, this is what a Donaldian society reduces our poor human sisters to. It is the author's hope that these revelations truly show the connection between McDonald's characters and their continued influence in the world to subvert and spread their societal theory about. Someday, maybe just someday, their characters will take on a more responsible and full role in the surrounding environment so that our children can learn a more meaningful way for a community to exist, but it does not seem likely. Until then, no super-size for me please. -Q

Poll

Golden Arches? Yes, the Arch of a jackboot! 19% Gold like the booty of Captain Crook! 5% The Gateway to a New Dawn. 9% You think that's bad, wait till you find out about the Monarchy of the Burger King. 26% That Wendy needs to go down too! 9% Go down on Ronald.. ROWR. 4% I prefer Arby's, and I am a sick puppy. 12% Inoshiroshima 13% Votes: 172 Results | Other Polls

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this himself We're not just a hamburger company serving people; we're a people company serving hamburgers. governing body rabble Grimace this [2] Birdie Also by MisterQueue