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Steve Ballmer dances around stage making monkey noises

By Arcsim in MLP
Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 08:12:09 PM EST
Tags: Humour (all tags)

Someone showed me this video today. I suppose that it's from an internal microsoft "pep rally". Honestly, I would never expect Steve Ballmer to shout "GIVE IT UP FOR ME" and jump around a stage making monkey-like noises. The video is located here and is 3MB or so.

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Steve Ballmer dances around stage making monkey noises | 105 comments (102 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)

Appropriate. (4.06 / 15) (#2)
by codepoet on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:08:11 PM EST

This, of course, is why Apple called it's OS foundations Darwin. Evolution of the sanest and all that.

Know drunk you are when Yoda you sound like, hmm?

Damn! (2.77 / 18) (#3)
by Eight Star on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:11:11 PM EST

He's a really good CEO

loony... (3.33 / 12) (#4)
by Unidentified Former User #n on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:22:09 PM EST

Wow. That guy has lost it.

He looks like some deranged psychopath as he bounces across the stage. Freakin' scary.

Another thing, the clip ends with him saying "I love this company". Well, no shit; if I was the CEO for the biggest software company in the world and made as much as he did, I'd love that company too.

One word: (3.18 / 11) (#5)
by spacejack on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 03:38:49 PM EST

Heartattackmaaan!!

No drug screening at Microsoft? (3.30 / 13) (#6)
by thenick on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 04:14:27 PM EST

I guess they don't randomly screen for drugs because Balmer would test positive for crack. I thought the best part was when he was pointing into the crowd. He's not a rock star, he makes bad software for Christ's sake.
"Doing stuff is overrated. Like Hitler, he did a lot, but don't we all wish he would have stayed home and gotten stoned?" -Dex

Hmmm.... (4.15 / 19) (#7)
by Signal 11 on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 05:14:25 PM EST

This video has revealed a variety of insight into the workings of Microsoft:

It's true MS execs don't know how to dance.
...Even worse, his poor imitation of the funky chicken dance leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.
Ballmer doesn't excercise much.
He obviously doesn't spend much time giving public speeches - his voice was hoarse from yelling improperly.
In frame 394 of the video, you can clearly see the bulge in his left pocket, indicative of a crack pipe.
They had no idea someone was recording this.
Whenever they claim that the linux penguin is a 'bad mascot', from now on, we have this to rebuke that.

--
Society needs therapy. It's having
trouble accepting itself.

OK, you're being funny, but by ZanThrax, 08/04/2001 06:08:54 PM EST (3.83 / 6)

Sircam? (nt) by spacejack, 08/05/2001 12:50:31 AM EST (2.12 / 8)
assumptions by alprazolam, 08/06/2001 03:43:04 PM EST (none / 0)

I'm scarred for life... (3.80 / 10) (#9)
by SvnLyrBrto on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 05:45:54 PM EST

1)
I will no longer ever be able to listen to Miami Sound Machine, or Gloria Estefan in general, without getting horrific flashbacks to this video. Thanks a lot, steve.

2)
*THIS* guy shares the same first name with Jobs and The Woz?!?!?!?

3)
Am I alone at all in that I kept expecting The Rock, or Hollywood Hogan, or Ric Flair, or Stone Cold Steve Austin, or Goldberg to come out and try to kick his ass?

cya,
john

Imagine all the people...

It doesn't just stop there... by DrWiggy, 08/05/2001 12:06:15 PM EST (4.28 / 7)

I'm not sure that I'd call those screeches (3.33 / 6) (#11)
by ZanThrax on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 06:03:16 PM EST

monkey noises; they seemed more like standard issue shrieking-as-cheering. (Hey, its better than wooting)
Am I the only one who thinks he needs to loosen up a bit? He's running and jumping around on stage, and he looks like every muscles in his back are permanently clenched.
And he really shouldn't screech like that, it makes him sound like he's drunk with his "I love this company" (sounded like he's ready to blubber)

If there's nothing you'd die for, then what do you have to live for?

clenching by yaksox, 08/04/2001 09:05:13 PM EST (3.25 / 4)

It definitely looked forced by hollowearth, 08/06/2001 07:30:37 AM EST (2.50 / 2)

Microsoft (3.72 / 11) (#13)
by caine on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 07:22:06 PM EST

And people wonder how Microsoft became so big? Look at them. Listen to them. Listen to Ballmers attitude. It reeks of "Us against Them" and with the firm belief that Us are the best. They know they're fighting a battle, and every ounce of their will is pressured into thinking "Win! Win! Win!"

Dance like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

fitting by tequila tux, 08/04/2001 10:41:06 PM EST (2.83 / 6)
smart by emmons, 08/06/2001 01:04:38 PM EST (none / 0)

[/.]This does not bode well for MS.[//.] (3.53 / 13) (#14)
by swr on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 07:24:58 PM EST

The music in the background is Gloria Estephan's "Get On Your Feet". This is a song from the late 1980s.

Playing 80s music (that's one decade before the previous decade!) doesn't seem like the actions of a forward-looking company. Clearly they are looking to the past trying to relive their glory days. You should sell your stock in MS now and buy up stock in mail-order companies that distribute those 80s music compilation CDs [*]. MS's decline could drag out for quite a while, so they're going to need a lot of 80s CDs.

Oh yeah, and Steve Ballmer was pretty whacked too.

[*] This should not be construded as investment advice.

One question (3.00 / 9) (#16)
by slaytanic killer on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 09:31:35 PM EST

Interesting thing that comes to mind. If your work does not make you feel like doing this, at least relative to your good taste, then why are you spending your time there?

Good taste is the issue by stevens, 08/05/2001 10:22:18 AM EST (3.75 / 4)
My work allows me to keep my dignity. by hotcurry, 08/05/2001 08:11:50 PM EST (3.00 / 5)

You care about dignity? by slaytanic killer, 08/05/2001 09:08:19 PM EST (2.80 / 5)

Trained monkey? by marlowe, 08/08/2001 09:53:17 PM EST (none / 0)
So what've you got against dignity, anyway? by marlowe, 08/08/2001 09:54:27 PM EST (none / 0)

Young Frankenstein (4.14 / 7) (#17)
by SPrintF on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 09:41:55 PM EST

Am I the only one who sees Steve Ballmer like this and thinks of Peter Boyle in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN?

Charisma by marimba, 08/04/2001 10:40:14 PM EST (2.75 / 4)

I wonder if they had punch and pie there? (3.18 / 11) (#18)
by Perianwyr on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:03:24 PM EST

I bet they did.

What would you rather have? This, or Microsoft execs somberly walking into meetings wearing a big black SS uniform to the sound of Wagner? Banners proclaiming "Eine Welt, Ein Web, Ein Programm"?

Or maybe some skinheads with gas masks on looking at a giant TV screen?

Are those the only options? by Rainy, 08/05/2001 03:02:16 PM EST (2.50 / 4)
what's wrong with Wagner? by gibichung, 08/05/2001 07:00:07 PM EST (2.50 / 4)

nothing wrong with Wagner by mac, 08/05/2001 07:27:29 PM EST (4.00 / 3)

sorry... by gibichung, 08/06/2001 06:44:32 AM EST (3.50 / 2)

Really? by CaptainZornchugger, 08/06/2001 11:40:47 AM EST (4.00 / 2)

For what it's worth... by fluffy grue, 08/06/2001 12:15:37 PM EST (4.00 / 1)

I was not aware of that. by CaptainZornchugger, 08/06/2001 12:32:44 PM EST (none / 0)

That is because it's not true by eWulf, 08/07/2001 09:11:03 AM EST (none / 0)

Must have been by fluffy grue, 08/07/2001 12:46:15 PM EST (none / 0)

True that some Israelis are sensitive to it by eWulf, 08/08/2001 03:54:41 AM EST (none / 0)

heh... by gibichung, 08/06/2001 12:52:44 PM EST (4.00 / 1)
Wagnet was an anti-semite by DaBunny, 08/06/2001 06:13:07 PM EST (4.00 / 1)

Non sequiturs by mac, 08/06/2001 07:33:49 PM EST (none / 0)

Oops... by mac, 08/06/2001 07:38:02 PM EST (none / 0)

Hitler by Godwin Man, 08/05/2001 08:12:14 PM EST (3.40 / 5)

I saw it (4.14 / 14) (#19)
by sakusha on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:08:10 PM EST

Compare this to another CEO who is well known for his astounding performances on stage. Ballmer comes out and has to act like a total ass to get the crowd going. But all Jobs has to do is quietly walk on stage and he gets a standing ovation.

No crap. by raven13, 08/07/2001 07:28:28 PM EST (none / 0)

He can't count either. (3.30 / 10) (#22)
by Photar on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:42:13 PM EST

He says he has four words for you, "I love this company, yeah!" Thats 5 words.

5th word by mrwalrus, 08/05/2001 01:37:11 AM EST (3.33 / 6)
If you're being pedantic... by xiox, 08/05/2001 09:26:32 AM EST (3.60 / 5)
Not true by Rainy, 08/05/2001 03:01:36 PM EST (4.00 / 7)

WinXP mascot (3.91 / 12) (#23)
by marimba on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 10:45:39 PM EST

They've found a replacement for Microsoft Bob!

Good one by Hefty, 08/07/2001 11:10:20 AM EST (none / 0)

2 questions: (3.80 / 10) (#24)
by plone on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:04:29 PM EST

1. Should CEOs actually behave like that?
2. Is Steve Balmer mad?
Calm down steve, you may give yourself a BSOD.

Why the hell not!! by eWulf, 08/07/2001 08:56:03 AM EST (none / 0)

This is your CEO on Drugs - get the picture? (3.84 / 13) (#25)
by TechnoGrl on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:06:25 PM EST

I saw the video this morning on
www.theregister.co.uk

I've been a Windoze programmer for 10 years now and have been wondering lately if I shouldn't move on to Linux/Kylix.

Yeah....I think it's time.

In Your Cubicle Nobody Can Hear You Scream

And to know.. (3.60 / 10) (#26)
by 2 on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:24:47 PM EST

..that there have been people behind the scenes planning and writing all this makes me puke. Especially that, in combination with the crowd buying it oh so gently.

Oprah, eat your heart out.

ALL it would take... (2.38 / 18) (#27)
by jd on Sat Aug 04, 2001 at 11:31:05 PM EST

...for Microsoft to be seriously harmed by this, is if some major news agency (CNN, the BBC, whoever) were to use a "selected extract" from the video, to portray the CEO as totally insane.

It could kill investor's confidence in Microsoft. And, as Microsoft is heavily dependent on its share value, that would seriously cripple Microsoft.

We are in the grips of a global recession. Forget the "official" US unemployment figures. If you lose 34,000 jobs from Lucent and hire 34,000 servers for McDonalds, employment remains the same, but you've still crippled the economy - not just of America but the globe in general.

(Yes, these things DO affect those on the "outside", believe it or not.)

Because of all this, investors are already shaky. Tech stocks are "Bad News", right now. ANY tech stocks.

If the press pushes the image that Microsoft's CEO is a crazed lunatic, you're going to see Microsoft being dropped like a hot potato. You'll also see a serious purging of the current managerial team. They're vulnerable to market forces, right now, and they've just given those forces a very powerful weapon.

wouldnt it just be better... by rebelcool, 08/05/2001 02:14:56 PM EST (2.66 / 6)
Do explain that. by Rainy, 08/05/2001 03:06:30 PM EST (3.75 / 8)
Microsoft vs Ballmer by bugmaster, 08/05/2001 09:35:48 PM EST (2.66 / 3)

AH! My eyes are *burning* (3.27 / 11) (#28)
by johnson on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 12:03:26 AM EST

Man this guy seriously needs to be put to sleep.
Men with even the slightest illusion of power should not be allowed to act like this in public. Not at all. I fully support laws to suppress things like this and to prevent them from happening in the first place.
I'm scarred for life now. Thanks a lot :-)

splunge

Gone Bananas (2.88 / 9) (#30)
by Andante on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 01:11:26 AM EST

Well, I guess we now know the real story about how that planet ruled by apes all began. (Nevermind that whole plague "excuse") "Get your paws off me you dirty ape." "Damn them all to hell!" ;)

Planet of the Apes? (4.38 / 13) (#32)
by Vicegrip on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 01:38:20 AM EST

The Register must have meant: Darwin Award honourable mention... although after a fashion I suppose the two comparisons have something in common. Ugh, I expected him to keel over grabbing his chest and kept looking for medics in on the side. Where is the emergency sterilization team when you need it?.. man at the very least, somebody with tranquilizer darts.. I mean, did you see his eyes? Little beedy things looking all crazed over.. I was waiting to see foam coming from his mouth... he looked ready to rip the head off of any employees not cheering with this bare teeth. Hopefully it's not contagious of vampiric or anything. "I Love This Company"... of course you do, you own it-- it's made you richer than most countries in the world. If I was an MS employee, this kind of display would send me scurrying like a scared dog with a tail between my legs for the nearest door.

Wow !!! (3.22 / 9) (#33)
by Betcour on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 04:26:46 AM EST

Seing this CEO behave like this... gives all its meaning to the words "Alpha male".

I have 4 words for you.. (3.76 / 13) (#34)
by nowin on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 06:41:15 AM EST

Love that mind control!

I'd quit if my CEO ever started acting all "Amway" like that.

Dan

Precisely by Rainy, 08/05/2001 02:59:26 PM EST (3.00 / 6)

Balmer (4.16 / 12) (#35)
by DeadBaby on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 07:52:12 AM EST

I've always liked Balmer for exactly this reason. If I had as much money as he does I would commonly scream at random people to praise me while jumping around like a member of The Who.
"Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity -- in all this vastness -- there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us." - Carl Sagan

Wow (4.00 / 10) (#39)
by vadim on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 12:12:37 PM EST

Interesting video... I already thought that M$ management was nuts, but this is even more than I expected!

I think I'll take the "Wooohhh!" and replace the "microsoft sound" with it. It's much more adequate to have something made by the CEO sounding on startup, doesn't it?

On the other hand, it will remind me that Win98 is not much saner than Ballmer, so it will encourage me even more to boot Linux instead :-)
--
<@chani> I *cannot* remember names. but I did memorize 214 digits of pi once.

Why I do not work at Microsoft (3.40 / 10) (#41)
by snowlion on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 02:24:09 PM EST

The Master said, "Adhere to your beliefs and be devoted to learning. Secure to the death the good of the Tao. Enter not a state in danger. Live not in a state in disorder. When all under heave are with the Tao, be visible. When without the Tao, be secluded. When the state is with the Tao, to be poor and lowly is shameful. When the state is without the Tao, to have riches and position is shameful."
--
Map Your Thoughts

This clinches it (3.08 / 12) (#46)
by jackdoe on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 04:42:19 PM EST

Microsoft is a cleverly designed organization for the advancement of stupid people, perhaps a hair more legit than Amway and the Church of Scientology.

This means it is incumbent on the non-stupid people of the world to put them out of their misery. And ours.

He really meant to say... (3.57 / 7) (#47)
by CrapSync on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 06:14:06 PM EST

I LOVE THE MONEY What a lucky guy. Were it not for his surgical attachment to one of Gates' body parts (a poll to determine which part will [or at least should] follow) it would have been a different story for Steve.

He's on crack (3.77 / 9) (#50)
by CokeBear on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 07:48:40 PM EST

I often say of a person, "he's on crack", when they are behaving in an unusual or irrational manner. I don't think I ever actually meant it.

As I watched this video, the thought occured to me "he's on crack", but for the first time, I really thought that he had actually used crack cocaine before coming out on stage.

(I'm also a bit surprised that this hasn't appeared on The Smoking Gun yet)

Embrace and extend (3.66 / 9) (#53)
by fooljay on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 08:51:34 PM EST

Embrace and extend, baby... Embrace and extend...

What comes to mind... (3.81 / 11) (#55)
by finial on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 09:14:26 PM EST

+ Somebody got to his default.ida and has siezed control of his brain box.
+ The mother ship is approaching and it's time to accelerate the plan.
+ Students, notice the more generalized efficacy of Viagra when administered to a total dick.
+ Were the audience members wearing kilts? Did the have blue faces?
+ In all the corporate meetings that I sat in the audience listening to Dr. Wang, I never saw anything like this.
+ Who's kicking for the extra point?

He sings, he dances... and jumps out of cakes?! (4.40 / 10) (#57)
by Lionfire on Sun Aug 05, 2001 at 11:48:32 PM EST

I sent this off to a friend of mine who happens to work at Microsoft (I tried to save him, but it was too late) and he replied with the following:

> That is not as funny as some of the other ones I have seen. > At the last company meeting, he jumped out of a birthday cake!

I'm really worried about the kinds of drugs they must be using over there...

[ blog | cute ]

What happened? (1.55 / 9) (#58)
by NuPhreak on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:37:58 AM EST

Well i was going to think up some intelligent comment to say that was to portray balmer in a negative light, but then I actually watched the video. So instead of giving you the intelligent comment how about this? ROTFLMAO and your right he loves the money, fuck this love child of Thade and Bill gates send him back to Tim Burton's whore house where he belongs.

The meaning is lost on humans (3.63 / 11) (#59)
by the_other_one on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 01:40:15 AM EST

This video is a part of Microsoft's newest recruiting drive

Microsoft has finaly heard about what can be accomplished with an infinite number of monkeys.

If this recruiting drive is succesful then an infinite quantity of ximians will descend on Redmond expecting employment,room,board and Windows OS refunds. I recommend Investing in banana futures.

You're waaaay too late by RangerBob, 08/06/2001 09:13:31 AM EST (3.50 / 2)

LOL, That looks like fun! (3.16 / 6) (#60)
by duxup on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 02:20:23 AM EST

It's too bad that some guy apparently having a good time is to some people an invite for cheap shots about the company he runs. I thought the video was hilarious, he seems like happy guy. I hope at my next meeting my CEO comes in and does that, that would be great!

God damn (2.16 / 18) (#61)
by wysoft on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 02:35:22 AM EST

Yes, Steve Mallmer is CEO of Microsoft. If he were some prominant Linux figure, I'm sure most of these comments would be along the lines of "I'm so glad that Linux folk really know how to get a crowd going!"

Hypocrites.

You dick by codemonkey_uk, 08/06/2001 04:30:15 AM EST (1.50 / 6)

Common? by Inoshiro, 08/06/2001 04:46:44 AM EST (2.80 / 5)

Colloquialism mixed with bad spelling by codemonkey_uk, 08/06/2001 06:54:37 AM EST (2.00 / 3)

No. by Inoshiro, 08/06/2001 05:45:45 PM EST (none / 0)

Ummm... by codemonkey_uk, 08/07/2001 04:12:59 AM EST (2.00 / 1)

Colloquialism mixed with bad spelling by alt, 08/06/2001 07:58:23 PM EST (5.00 / 1)

Wrong. by Vicegrip, 08/06/2001 11:53:17 AM EST (4.00 / 2)
The above is a troll by mac, 08/06/2001 12:53:51 PM EST (5.00 / 1)

Mea culpa by mac, 08/06/2001 01:53:55 PM EST (none / 0)
I am your god by sonovel, 08/07/2001 11:48:40 AM EST (none / 0)

he was trying to be funny by mac, 05/24/2002 04:02:10 PM EST (none / 0)

Sorry by wysoft, 08/07/2001 04:57:05 AM EST (none / 0)

Yikes... (3.50 / 4) (#62)
by bkirkby on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 04:26:17 AM EST

The video made me laugh. I don't have a problem with people (even CEO's) getting all excited and hoping around the stage. It makes for good entertainment and has been shown to be motivating to some.

What is probably most distressing to MS about this video (besides eveidence that Ballmer really needs some exercise), was Ballmer screaming "GIVE IT UP FOR ME". Just seemed too autocratically egomaniacal. Even Amway folks scream, hoot and holler about their "system" instead of personal accolades.

mix this with the Free Software Song (3.16 / 6) (#65)
by odaiwai on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 05:23:13 AM EST

Someone, please, please, please, mix this with the Free Software Song (Techno Remix).

dave
-- "They're chefs! Chefs with chainsaws!"

Not uncommon (3.00 / 6) (#70)
by Refrag on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 11:37:56 AM EST

In my brief stint at Microsoft we watched some of the propaganda videos and he always came off as a raving lunatic, running around screaming his head off like a drunken frat-boy. This was before he became the new puppet-head of Microsoft.

Refrag

Kuro5hin: ...and culture, from the trenches

Leaked agenda for next week's pep rally.... (3.00 / 3) (#75)
by idlemindui on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:42:12 PM EST

Ballmer dances around on the stage shouting "All your base are belong to us!"
That is all.

How did this make front page? (2.00 / 2) (#76)
by khallow on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 12:50:09 PM EST

All I can say is that this must have been more inspirational than it looked. Perhaps, we have a bunch of MS fanatics here. ;-) BTW, most people forget that one of MicroSoft's strengths is its ability to retain talent. I assume that the tribal, primal emotion manipulation thing helps.

more like "i love this cheesecake" (3.00 / 2) (#87)
by buxus on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 08:57:36 PM EST

somebody needs to tell that man that he looks like a prime candidate for cardiovascular problems.

the "ME" thing (2.00 / 2) (#88)
by ShrimpX on Mon Aug 06, 2001 at 11:24:24 PM EST

When he said "give it up for me" he was referring to Windows ME, not himself. Get a clue.

it would be cooler in german. (3.00 / 2) (#89)
by oz81dog on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 03:50:34 AM EST

Does anyone have time to translate this into german and send me some audio clips? i would really like to dub it in german.

scared (1.00 / 1) (#97)
by Abstraction on Tue Aug 07, 2001 at 02:51:40 PM EST

My god. I just watched that...I think I'm scared.

Kwyjibo by fredwards, 08/08/2001 04:04:28 PM EST (none / 0)

Bonus Video (5.00 / 1) (#103)
by briggsb on Fri Aug 10, 2001 at 12:00:07 PM EST

I've created a little something from the Ballmer video...

Here

NYTimes talks about this (none / 0) (#104)
by gbvb on Mon Aug 13, 2001 at 07:58:39 AM EST

Check out This article in ny times. They are running a story about this video and one of the comments from K5. Woohoo!!

Steve Ballmer dances around stage making monkey noises | 105 comments (102 topical, 3 editorial, 0 hidden)

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